Difficult Behavior
in the Workplace
by Kathleen
Hawkins
 Angry. Sullen. Hostile. Cranky. Abrupt. Withdrawn.
Stubborn. Irrational. Manipulative. Negative.
Do ANY of the words above describe someone you know at
work? Maybe a customer or a client? Maybe your boss, partner,
employee, or co-worker?
Even though we all share a common spiritual core, we
each have different life experiences that continue to shape us
as individuals. In the process of living, people sometimes let
circumstances upset them. They consequently may feel
frustrated, angry, depressed, or other emotions that we might
consider difficult. This behavior can thwart or complicate our
best intentions at work.
How can you keep a positive perspective when
less-than-professional behavior bogs down business? Here are
12 ideas to help you smooth the way to successful resolutions.
1. First ask what you can know about a situation, then
what you can do about it. Know that we're all in the process
of growing as human beings. Once you establish that common
connection and the shared goal of evolving spiritually, it's
easier to be guided by the indwelling Spirit and take the
appropriate action.
2. Realize that difficult behavior may be someone's bid
for understanding, love, or acceptance. The more difficult the
behavior, the more desperate the bid. It might be a cry for
help, not an assault on you personally.
3. Separate the behavior from the person. You can care
about people even though you don't like, or approve of, some
of the things they do.
4. Remember that people usually rationalize their
behavior no matter what it is. To challenge them, threaten
them, or disagree with them might only make them more
defensive and more stubborn. So rather than trying to convince
others that they're wrong and you're right, approach the
problem with a cooperative spirit of looking for solutions.
5. Find common ground on which to agree. When you agree
with people, they feel that you understand them, at least in
part, and may be more receptive to your ideas. Common ground
between you and a customer who is irate, for example, might be
good service: the customer wants it and you want to provide
it. Assure the customer of your intentions to give good
service. Acknowledge any problems, apologize if necessary, but
don't demean yourself; then express your willingness to remedy
the situation. You might say something like, "I'm sorry this
happened. Here's what I'm going to do to correct the situation
and prevent future problems," or, "You're right, this has been
a problem. Let's figure out a way to fix it. Any ideas?"
6. Avoid judging people by your own standards, which may
be inappropriate or unrealistic to the situation or unfair to
people. If you work long hours, for example, you might be
suspicious of people who take frequent breaks or go home right
at closing every evening. Or you might judge people for using
poor grammar even though English may be their second language
or they may not be responsible for written communication in
the company. Then there's always the possibility you don't
know the real reasons why people do what they do.
7. Avoid mind-reading. When you think you've figured out
why someone is acting a certain way, you might say something
like, "Here's what seems to be happening. Is that what's
really going on?" Their answers might surprise you. For
example, Susan got the feeling that Joe didn't like her
because he was often abrupt with her. Since it was her style
to be abrupt with people when she was angry at them, she
concluded that Joe was mad at her. One day, rather than
assuming the worst, she said to Joe, "I get the feeling that
you're angry at me. Are you?" It turned out that Joe wasn't
even aware he was being abrupt. He simply thought he was being
efficient and doing his job quickly. If Joe had been angry
with Susan, she had given him an opportunity to share his
feelings and resolve any differences.
8. Avoid asking 'why' questions, which people often
interpret as combative. Instead, ask, "What's going on?" "How
do you feel about this?" or "Can you tell me more about it?"
9. Talk in terms of your thoughts and feelings rather
than accuse others. Instead of saying, "You're always late
with the monthly report," you might say something like, "I can
plan my presentation on time for the staff meetings if I know
I'll have your report by the first of each month. Can I count
on you?"
10. Realize that people interpret behavior differently.
You might think that someone is nagging you, for example, when
the other person thinks that he or she is just trying to be
helpful. Or someone who seems to be unmotivated simply may not
know, or understand, the company policy or where he or she
fits into the big picture. Again, one of the faster ways to
smooth out communication is to tell others what you've
observed and ask if that's what's really going on.
11. Think about how the objectionable behavior might
serve the people engaged in it and find a way to help them
meet those needs more constructively. People who gossip, for
example, might be trying to get attention or to appear
interesting. So help them fill their needs constructively by
reinforcing their positive personality traits and giving them
well-deserved recognition.
12. Use the "Olé!" technique described by Peter Turla,
president of the National Management Institute, a training and
consulting firm in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. "When people
are being difficult I use the technique that bullfighters use
when a bull charges them. I mentally step aside and think, 'Olé!'
I let them blow off steam, then direct them to positive
solutions. I might ask, 'What can we do to correct the
problem?' or 'What would have to happen for you to feel good
about this?' This way I show them that I care. And when I look
beyond their behavior to what they want, we tend to resolve
things quickly."
Once you put things in perspective, here are some
specific strategies that you can use if you confront various
types of difficult behavior.
Hostile Behavior
1. If someone is creating a scene, stay calm and guard
against an angry knee-jerk reaction. Most people cool off in a
matter of minutes if you don't antagonize them.
2. Realize that the person may be yelling at the
situation rather than at you. He or she may have personal
problems. While this doesn't excuse others from being rude, it
may help you to emerge from the fray with your ego intact.
2. If they persist in telling you what to do and it
begins to feel like they're interfering, say something like,
"I appreciate your help, but I want to work this out on my own
for the learning experience" or "Thanks for your suggestions.
I'll consider them."
Uncooperative Behavior
1. Motivate people for an assignment by telling them
what's in it for them and emphasize how important their
contribution is to the overall project.
2. Ask for their opinions, recommendations, and advice.
Make them feel needed. They are!
3. Clarify the company's rules and policies so that
people understand what's expected of them.
4. Encourage constructive grievances. Uncooperative
behavior may indicate that something needs to be changed.
5. Reward people for work well done. Give ample credit
and well-deserved acknowledgment, raises, promotions, or
letters of thanks. Your recognition and appreciation may be
the perfect incentive to get people to cooperate.
What to Do if People Think You're Difficult
If you're surrounded by people who are being difficult,
realize that they may be reacting, in part, to something that
you're doing. If your behavior seems to bother people and you
want things to run more smoothly in the office or in the
department, ask for tactful reminders when they think that
you're being difficult. If, for example, your perfectionism
tends to slow down relatively unimportant matters, invite
others to make you aware of when you're doing this.
Take 'Ten'
Whenever you want to communicate with someone, set some
time aside for a focused, uninterrupted discussion. People may
be more willing to talk with you if they feel they have your
full attention. Taking ten minutes, or however much time you
need, can actually save you time that otherwise might have
been lost because of misunderstandings.
When you keep the lines of communication open, you can
handle differences quickly and effectively with compassion and
understanding. You'll more fully express your spiritual nature
and acknowledge it in others. And you'll get back to work
faster and in a more positive frame of mind.
 This
article was excerpted from:
SPIRIT Incorporated: How to Follow Your Spiritual Path from 9 to 5
by Kathleen Hawkins.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, DeVorss
Publications. ©1998.
www.devorss.com
Info/Order this book.
About The
Author
Kathleen Hawkins is vice president of
the National Management Institute, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and
the author of four books,
Time Management Made Easy; Test Your Entrepreneurial IQ;
Reverse Speech: Hidden Messages in Human Communication; and
SPIRIT Incorporated. Her articles and ideas on how to increase
personal and professional effectiveness have appeared in more than 200
publications. She's also a reading specialist -- with master's degrees in
reading education and creative writing -- and a professional speaker and a
business consultant.
| Comments () >> |
 |
 |
