A Course in Life 101
by Terry Levine
 "Lighten
up" is becoming a popular phrase these days and for good reason. We're all
becoming too serious. When was the last time you had a really good laugh? When
was the last time you laughed at yourself?
Most of us have a tendency to take ourselves much too seriously. We fret over
everything we do as if we're supposed to be perfect in whatever we attempt. So
many of us put ourselves down at the slightest imperfection. We say things like,
"I'm so stupid. How did I ever get so dense," or, "I'm a dummy, I'll never learn
that."
People who live very long lives, such as those over 100 years old, all seem
to share a healthy sense of humor. A sense of humor about oneself and the world
in general is one of the keys to aging successfully and has been documented in
numerous studies.
Laughter is being used to effectively help treat serious illnesses and is
even becoming part of the workplace as we realize the importance of taking
ourselves more lightly.
The fact that one of the most sought after seminar topics on the speaking
circuit is "Humor in the Workplace" attests to our need to learn to put more
humor in our lives.
How about you? Can you look at a situation and see the humor in it? I'm not
trying to diminish those issues that are genuinely serious and need to be
treated as such; however, you can make your life happier simply by trying to see
the humor in many of life's challenging situations.
Humor is healthy. Learning to laugh at your human frailties and
less-than-perfect attempts at everyday life is a healthy practice that's well
worth developing.
The next time you make some small mistake, instead of berating yourself and
calling yourself stupid, try making light of it. Say something like, "Isn't that
funny how I have trouble with computers. I'm sure I can learn to do it with a
little practice." Not being a technology wizard isn't usually a life-threatening
issue.
Make an effort to see the humor in everyday occurrences and you will begin
feeling better about yourself and your work. Lighten up and laugh a little. One
of the reasons angels can fly is that they take themselves lightly.
KAIZEN
Shortly after the end of World War II, General Douglas McArthur requested
that a man named W. Edwards Demming come to Japan to help rebuild that war-torn
country. Demming had developed a system called Total Quality Management or TQM.
When the Japanese business leaders met with Dr. Demming and asked him what he
thought they could do to restore their economy, his answer was that they should
strive to "make small, incremental improvements daily in every area of their
lives and their business." The Japanese word for this is Kaizen and it is
responsible for the fact that, today, Japan is a world power and economic
leader. In Japan there is an award given to the business who has demonstrated
the greatest improvement in a given year. It's the "Demming Award."
It's interesting to note that it was not until many years later that Dr.
Demming's work was recognized in the United States. His TQM principles are now
used by many successful US corporations, including the Ford Motor Company and
the Department of the Navy.
You can practice kaizen in your daily life, too. It's a simple concept that,
over time, will produce awesome results. I challenge you to practice this idea
for 30 days and see for yourself the amazing results.
KAIZEN EXERCISE
For the next 30 days, strive to make small incremental improvements in every
area of your life. Each day, begin by asking yourself the following:
-
-
- How can I improve my relationship with my spouse and family?
- How might I improve my health?
- What can I do today to improve my value to my company?
- How can I improve my sense of enjoyment and pleasure?
- What else can I improve today?
I'm not asking you to make major changes or to add stress to your life. I'm
simply suggesting that you look at your life and your daily activities and see
what small actions you can take -- today -- that will make your life happier and
more joyful. Keep in mind that "progress, not perfection" is what life's all
about.
SARAH'S STORY
Sarah is a successful real estate/mortgage industry professional who came to
me when she was in the process of finding a new position. While she loved her
job and made a very high six-figure income, her company was merging. As we were
working on her game plan to stay in the same field, her company went bankrupt.
She was shocked and scared and wanted to take the first job that came along.
I encouraged her to recognize that she had expectations of her employers and
when she interviewed to put her interests first rather than selling them on her.
I told her to hire her own employer and to be choosy. We came up with strategies
for her to know what she wanted from an employer and she went on interviews with
this intent.
One of her new-found items is she doesn't want to work past 7:00 p.m. in the
evening or on weekends. She communicated this in her interviews. She also wanted
to go to her child's class trips and plays and wanted the flexibility to do so.
She was scared this would prevent her from finding a job. Instead, much to her
surprise, she received four offers and had to decide which she wanted.
She now spends weekends with her child and evenings at the gym, movies, or
with friends. Her life is filled with good music, friends -- an environment she
loves to live in. She let go of working on weekends and takes a break from voice
mail and email, to allow herself an escape from work, for one 24-hour period
each weekend.
She has had the most successful year of her working life in terms of salary
and career satisfaction while living her life on her own terms, earning the
highest pay for less time worked.
TOM'S STORY
Tom is the manager of the local branch of a national retail chain who came to
me having just been put on probation. He feared losing his job and was
miserable. He was overworked, stressed, and he had a poor attitude because of
his co-workers and his manager. I requested that before he look for another job,
he restructure his present job with strong boundaries so that his employees are
solving problems, doing their own work and being accountable. I helped him to
train them in the skills they lacked and taught him to delegate so that he had
less work and wasn't putting in all those crazy hours.
Even after following my suggestions, he still decided he wanted out of this
job because he wasn't enjoying being in management or working for the company.
He began a career search around the hobbies he loved and decided the money was
not as important as his health and well-being.
He found that he could get a job at a lower salary in a field he liked and he
decided to accept this offer. The company was one he felt good about working for
and he would have no management responsibility. The starting salary is lower but
his wife decided to take on a bit more work to compensate. Now the stress is
gone and I hear him laughing more, looking better and sounding lighter!
JESSICA'S STORY
This Director of Nursing says she wanted to get away from being indoors all
day and working late hours. She thinks she wants to be a consultant. She is
struggling with this because she feels she can't give up her job security. I
encouraged her to speak with her current employer about going from employee to
consultant. She did this and the employer agreed. Now she works less hours for
more money and sets her schedule around walking every morning and evening. She
is always home by 4:00 p.m. and is expanding her personal relationships outside
work because she finally has time to do this.
She knew just what she wanted to do but couldn't see how to make it happen.
She thought her idea was a dream and that her employer would fire her but when
she finally got the courage to express her desire, he honored it and she is now
working the way she envisioned.
STRESS
If there's one area you must learn to handle if you are to have a happier
life at work or otherwise, it's stress. Extreme levels of negative stress can
kill you. I say negative stress because a certain amount of stress is necessary.
The only people who have no stress in their lives are six feet under the earth.
Stress is what gets us going. A certain amount of pressure is healthy and can
bring out the best in people. The problem is that our present-day society has
taken stress to dangerous levels. Our fast-paced lives, job pressures, the
environment, our usually less than ideal diet and lifestyles, all lead to an
excess of stressors in most of us.
If you want to learn to live and work yourself happy, you must find ways to
cope with the stress in your life. Meditation, hobbies, exercise, yoga, nature
walks, friends, family and even our pets can help us manage our daily stress. In
the next few pages are some thoughts and ideas to help you get started. If you
want to learn more, a visit to your local bookstore will provide you with many
books dealing with stress in great detail. Also, your local adult education
center most likely has a class or two on managing stress. Select activities that
work for you. We are all different and what works for me may not be ideal for
you.
STEPS TO REDUCE STRESS
* Get up 15 minutes earlier every morning so you can relax before leaving
the house.
* Exercise daily to unwind.
* Make a habit of taking long, deep breaths regularly.
* Eliminate the words "ought" and "should" from your vocabulary and make
your goals things you really want to do.
* Skip the daily news -- it's full of negative events.
* Drive slowly and listen to music while you drive.
* Meditate or sit quietly for a few minutes every day.
* Schedule plenty of time between appointments so you don't feel rushed.
BE STILL AND KNOW
The regular practice of meditation has been shown to be significant in
decreasing stress. This is not something that needs to be complicated. Just sit
quietly and watch your thoughts. Try not to get caught up in your thinking but
instead just become the silent observer. If you want, you can observe your
breathing as it goes in and out. Just sit quietly and let go of your thoughts.
With regular practice, you will soon sense the "chatter" in your mind subsiding
and begin to feel calmer. This feeling will stay with you as you go on with your
daily activities.
Some people prefer to take a class to learn a specific technique. If this
appeals to you, go for it. Also, you may want to play peaceful music during your
periods of quiet reflection. Experiment with different techniques until you find
what works for you. An investment of twenty minutes a day in quiet time will pay
you back in renewed energy and sense of wellness.
TIME MANAGEMENT
We all have the very same twenty four hours in a day, yet some people are
able to accomplish an enormous number of tasks while others never seem to have
enough time. Why do some people seem to have more time than others? The answer
is very simple. They manage their time better. Now, I like being spontaneous as
much as the next person, however, it is important to employ some system of
time-management if you want to feel more in control of your life and get more
done.
Organizing your time is a sure way to feel as though you have more of it.
While there are numerous time-management books, tapes and seminars, one of the
simplest productivity techniques I ever learned is the following:
- List the five most important things you have to do and do nothing else
until you complete them.
I realize that this sounds overly simple in our exceedingly complicated
world, but before you dismiss it, try it out for two weeks. This simple
technique, which has been used by high-level executives, entrepreneurs, and
others for more than fifty years, works.
One of the keys is that by listing five items instead of ten or twenty, you
are really focusing your energy on what is truly important. If you eliminate
distractions and do only the five items on your list, you will be directing your
energy in the most productive direction. Rather than waste your valuable time
doing busy work, you will be doing what really matters to your success. Of
course, if you complete your list early, write another one, or do other less
important tasks.
WHAT ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF?
What do you say to yourself on a regular basis? Do you praise yourself for a
job well-done and accept your errors as just being human or do you have a habit
of putting yourself down for every little thing?
It saddens me when I see so many people telling themselves they're "dumb" or
"stupid" or in some other way, putting themselves down. This is one of the most
destructive things you can do and it will undermine your success.
We are only human. We will make mistakes and, yes, some of us will have a
hard time adapting to new technology or learning to play golf or whatever it is
we personally find difficult. This does not make us less intelligent than the
rest of the people. We all make mistakes.
Learn to allow yourself errors. Try not to be so hard on yourself and those
around you. Your self-talk, that mental chatter that goes on all day long, has a
lot to do with your level of achievement. Your subconscious mind does not know
the difference between real and imaginary. It will believe and act upon whatever
commands you give it.
TRANSFORMATIONAL VOCABULARY
This is simply a fancy word for a concept that was studied several years ago
and reported in Time magazine. It means transforming the words you use to
describe your experience of any given situation or emotion.
If you want to feel better, use words that amplify your good feelings. For
example, if someone asks how you are, instead of saying fine or ok, try saying
great or terrific. This simple change in your choice of wording will change the
way you feel.
In contrast, if you want to feel less poorly about an undesirable occurrence,
reduce the impact of the words you use. Rather than saying something like, "I
hate my job," change the wording to minimize their impact. You might say, "I'm
not really fond of my job." While it expresses the same dislike for the job, the
emotional impact is much less, resulting in your feeling better about the
situation.
By reducing the impact of the words we use to describe unpleasant situations
and enhancing the intensity of those we use to describe pleasant feelings or
situations, you will begin to feel better and happier about your life.
This
article is excerpted from:
 Work Yourself Happy
by Terry Levine.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Lahaska Press. ©2000.
Info/Order this book.
More books by this author.
About the Author
Terri
Levine, MS, CCC-SLP, is a professional coach, consultant and the founder of
Comprehensive Coaching U, The Coach Training Program for Professionals. As an
entrepreneur, she owned her own speech therapy practice and went on to compile an impressive track record of growing million
dollar businesses. In sales and marketing, Terri quickly rose to become number
one in national sales and as an executive created one astounding success after
another. Visit her website at
http://www.terrilevine.com
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