Befriending Your Pain
by Dana Ullman, M.H.P
"Sometimes your
pain doesn't make your life unbearable;
your life makes your pain
unbearable." -- David Bresler, Ph.D.
 The word pain is
derived from the Latin word poena, which means
"punishment". Whether pain should be thought of as a punishment
is debatable, but we know that it certainly hurts to have it, and it
usually feels like a punishment, whether the person has done something to
deserve it or not. In ancient times, people thought that pain was caused
by demons who had possessed
them. And if you didn't pay your exorcist to get rid of the demons, you
got repossessed!
Pain is nature's way of
making you take notice. It is a warning -- sometimes a loud warning --
that something is wrong. It is a symptom and a signal, and it demands your
attention!
Headaches, backaches,
arthritis, and menstrual cramps are the most frequent pain syndromes. Most
people today treat their pain with one or more of the various
anti-inflammatory medicines, a.k.a. painkillers.
However, because pain
itself is only a symptom, painkillers may reduce the discomfort but do
nothing to heal the source of pain. In fact, suppressing the symptoms of
pain can drive the pain and the disease deeper into the person. The body
eventually adapts to the painkillers, and soon needs stronger and stronger
doses in order to achieve a similar degree of relief. The body also
becomes addicted to these drugs, ultimately causing new types of
discomfort and dysfunction for which a person all too often takes
additional drugs to treat. A pain cycle has been created, and it is
sometimes difficult to break.
Denying Pain
Denying pain is equally
ineffective. Some people ignore their pain. They assume that nothing is
wrong, that there is nothing that they should change about themselves, and
that the pain they are having is only a temporary glitch that will soon
disappear.
Famed psychiatrist Carl
Jung once said, "If you don't come to terms with your shadow, it will
appear in your life as your fate." Until a person sheds light on the
shadow of pain, its fateful return will be a continual reminder of
something amiss.
It has been said,
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." It runs deep and wide, and
you cannot wash away your pain by denial. Unless and until awareness
replaces denial, the pain will demand attention one way or another.
What is it saying?
The challenge of pain is
to try to comprehend what it is saying. What is not in balance in your
life? Is there something that you need to change within yourself, or is
there something outside you that either needs to be avoided or changed?
Does the specific location and kind of pain have any special meaning to
you? And why did the pain start now?
Seeking to understand pain
can itself be therapeutic. It can turn a difficult situation into a
learning and growing experience. It is, of course, difficult to understand
one's pain, but it is a real problem when people do not even try. Perhaps
this is why Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, once said,
"Years ago I used to commiserate with all people who suffered. Now I
commiserate only with those who suffer in ignorance, who do not understand
the purpose and ultimate utility of pain."
Whatever the source or
meaning of pain, it represents a certain wisdom of the body and mind to
defend itself and to adapt to stress or infection. Whatever the nature of
the pain, it is decidedly more effective to appreciate it rather than
resist it. Resistance creates additional tension and usually additional
pain. Loving attention, on the other hand, can have a noticeably soothing
and healing effect.
Loving One's Pain
Loving one's pain is
certainly easier to say than do. It seems a lot simpler to feel irritated
and angry about the pain, depressed and despairing about how horrible it
is, and fearful and anxious about how long it will persist. But just as
easily as a person in pain can assume that life is a series of problems,
this person can also be
intrigued by the challenge of life as a series of adventures. Instead of
fretting about the pain, the person can be curiously seeking out ways to
deal with it.
There is also something
wonderfully healing about simply giving "positive vibrations" to
pain. Although this may sound hokey, a person in pain is usually willing
to do some odd things in an effort to obtain relief. Since resisting or
fighting pain is like pulling at a knot from both ends, learning to love
the knot sometimes loosens its grip.
As heroes in many a fairy
tale have reflected, "You don't have to hate the dragon to love the
princess." Likewise, you don't have to hate the pain to love the
challenge it creates. This may be an important first step in learning to
deal with pain most effectively.
 This
article was excerpted from:
The Steps to Healing: Wisdom from the Sages, the Rosemarys, and the Times
by Dana Ullman, MPH
Reprinted with permission from the publisher, Hay House Inc. ©1999. www.hayhouse.com.
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About The
Author
Dana
Ullman M.P.H., has authored six books on homeopathic and natural
medicine, including The
Consumer's Guide to Homeopathy, Homeopathy
for Children and Infants, and Homeopathy
A-Z. He serves on advisory boards of alternate medicine
institutes at Harvard and Columbia schools of medicine, and has also
co-taught a course in homeopathic medicine at the University of
California at San Francisco School of Medicine.
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