Bashing
Down Walls
by Marie T. Russell
 Sometimes
when things don't go the way I want, rather than
sitting back and letting things go their own way, I
start pushing and shoving and trying to make things
happen the way I want... Can you relate to this one?
Whether it's something at work, or at home, or
wherever, we start getting forceful and insisting on
things going a certain way (our way)... even when it is
obvious (at least to others) that things are not going
that way at all.
For
example, you may be working on a project and everything,
and I mean everything, seems to be going wrong... So
what is our 'normal' tendency? We start getting
tenacious and bull-headed and push and shove to try to
make it go the way we want. We keep pushing, and trying
to make it happen, to make it go 'right'... which is
usually a futile experiment. Somewhat like trying to
make the river flow upstream.
What is
it in our make-up that induces us to behave that way? We
want to have our own way... we want to be right... we
want to feel like we are in charge and that things are
going exactly the way we want them to... Yet, what is
the reality behind this attitude? Is our motivation due
to insecurity? Is it a feeling that if we don't hang
on tightly to control, that everything will fall apart?
Is it a fear that things may not work out in our favor
if we don't try to control the outcome?
Basically,
the cause of this attitude seems to stem from a lack of
trust in the Universe (or God, the Force, or Life, or
whatever you choose to call that Higher Power). We don't
trust that someone (or something) else may know what is
best for us... We don't trust that there is an innate
intelligence in everything and everyone, and that if we
simply let go, things will work out exactly in Divine
order.
Now, I
am not advocating sitting back and doing nothing at all
because 'the Universe will handle it'. What I am talking
about is active let-go... Seems like an oxymoron? Maybe,
maybe not.
Years
ago, I participated in a Ropes course. The goal of this
weekend workshop was to break through fears and to learn
to trust ourselves and others. The first
exercise was to close your eyes and let yourself fall
backwards, trusting that the people lined up on each side of you
would catch you. These people were "strangers"
who were also participating in the workshop. It wasn't
always easy to close your eyes and trust that someone
would be there to catch you as you fell... That is
active let-go... You close your eyes, you trust, and you let yourself go.
Another
part of the workshop involved a high-wire act... you
know, like in the circus where you walk across a wire
and then jump off to the trapeze bar hanging in the
distance. I remember standing, it seemed for hours, up
on that wire looking at that trapeze bar and arguing
with the voices in my head... You know the ones: "I
can't do it" "Yes, I can" "I'm
scared" "It's safe" "What if I fail and don't
make it" "Come on, do itl"... It seemed
that my feet were cemented to the wire on which I stood
(way up in the air) making it impossible for me to let
go and jump towards the trapeze bar.
Now the
crazy thing about this whole process is that I was
securely harnessed to a "safety rope"... So
even if I missed the trapeze bar, I would not fall to
the ground. Yet my mind was petrified at the thought of
letting go, not willing to trust myself to make the jump
on target, and not willing to trust the safety rope tied
to my waist. The active let-go came when I finally clenched my teeth and jumped...
In
"real life" we may not see our safety-rope,
yet it is always there. The Universe is always ready to
catch us if we fall. Sometimes we think we're
falling (failing), yet we're actually just changing
location. Perhaps we are in an unhappy (failed)
marriage, and the decision to divorce is actually the
passport into a happier, healthier existence. Perhaps we
are unhappy at our job, we don't get the promotion
we wanted, or we get fired, and the safety-rope is that
there is a much better job waiting for us around the
corner.
When we
find ourselves going against the current, or when we
find that everything is going wrong in our life, we need
to stop and ask ourselves what is really going on. Are
we standing on the high wire, unwilling to trust and let
go? Is the fear of the future so captivating that we are
unwilling to trust that something better is always
waiting around the corner, if we will only take the
first step? We may be headed in the wrong direction and
the Universe is trying to "straighten us out"
by sending all kinds of challenges...
We need
to pay attention to the signals in our life. They are
constantly there... When something is a struggle, there
is a message there... Perhaps we need to handle the
situation differently, perhaps we're at the wrong place
at the wrong time, or the right place at the wrong
time... Perhaps we need to change direction... A
struggle or any challenge always comes with a gift -- a
message, a lesson, a blessing.
Letting
go means trusting that the process of life is always in
balance and that whatever the outcome, it will be for
the best. Active let-go, means following one's inner
wisdom (or intuition) and doing what feels right, while
trusting that whatever action one takes will bring us to
a solution... whatever that may be.
 Recommended
book:
The Door of Everything
by Ruby Nelson
Info/Order
book
 About The Author
Marie
T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also
produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from
1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and
well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own
inner source of joy and creativity.
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