Are You Holding
Back?
by Marie T.
Russell
 There are so many things we humans tend to hold back. We
repress a lot of our emotions, whether they are considered 'good' or 'bad'
ones. Sometimes we hold back on expressing our love for fear of being
misunderstood, or perhaps thinking the timing is not 'right'. Most commonly, we
have been taught to hold back on our 'negative' emotions — fear, anger, sorrow,
pain, etc.
As a child, I was often told to squelch those emotions that
demonstrated 'weakness'. I held back my tears in order to appear strong. I
repressed my anger to be a 'good girl' and 'loving'. Yet, I now realize that holding back anger or any other emotion
affects negatively the person who is holding back. The anger I refused to let
out stayed locked up inside, fermented, and gave rise to all kinds of poison.
Frustrations and anger were withheld, only to explode when I'd 'had enough'.
This anger later had to be released through illness, situations where the anger
was unleashed at someone or something else (or at myself), or through
therapeutic processes.
What happens when we feel anger (consciously or
sub-consciously) but want to hide it? Whatever we hold back becomes part of us
and gets stored in our body as a tangible manifestation in the form of
headaches, tension, pain, illness, ulcers, cancer, arthritis, back pain, and
many other physical ailments.
We feel that by holding back on expressing our anger we are doing the 'right' thing and not hurting anyone. Yet we are hurting ourselves -- in ways that we are not conscious of. And as for the other persons, they may need to hear what we have to say, just as much as we need to express it.
Of course, we need to learn how to express our anger or
discontent without 'dumping' on the other. We can express ourselves without
destroying the other person's sense of self-worth or attacking them emotionally,
verbally, or physically. We can communicate from a heart of love not a heart at war.
Love and Gratitude
Expressing our deepest feelings also applies to expressing
feelings of love and appreciation. How many times have we felt gratefulness
towards another being, sometimes just for their presence in our life, and failed
to express it? That person may really need to hear your words of praise to give
them a boost in their own self-esteem. Maybe they are unaware of what you so
clearly see in them.
I have found that at times when I expressed feelings of
gratitude and love to others, they were surprised at the way I saw them. Never
assume that the other person knows how much you appreciate them. If you think it
and feel it, then say it.
Our rational mind has been well trained to dissect and analyze.
It likes to hold back on acting instinctively and instead question
scientifically what is the 'right' action to take. So, we've held our true
selves back, and not expressed that inner inspiration to laugh, cry, scream,
give a hug, or say a kind word when our first feeling guided us to do
so.
Whatever first thought or feeling comes to you is your
intuition, or in other words, your divine inspiration. Any other thoughts that
follow, i.e. "maybe I shouldn't say that", etc., are only your mind (ego)
doubting and questioning, afraid of making a 'mistake'.
The best thing to do is to follow your first instinct -- the one that comes from Love -- which comes as the first feeling or thought. That is your
'God-self'. The universal power of Love guides us towards happiness, and that is
why our first instinct is always the one that will bring us true happiness and
inner peace.
We can choose to let go of the fear of being wrong, or
appearing ridiculous, etc., and act on our feelings. Be true to yourself.
Holding back is only postponing the truth and can harm the other as well as
ourselves. Holding back is postponing the freedom to be who we really are —
loving, truthful children who desire to be happy and free from
negativity.
Let go! Express your truth today! You and your world will be
better for it.
Recommended book:
A Peace of My Mind: A Therapist's Guide to Handling Anger and Other Difficult Emotions
by Diane M. Berry and Terry J. Berry.
This
manual is your complete reference for how to manage your anger so it
does not control you! Written
in an easy-to-read style, by a husband and wife team with more than 20
years' combined experience teaching people just like you how to
practice a few simple skills that will change your life!
Info/Order this book
 About The Author
Marie
T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also
produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from
1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and
well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own
inner source of joy and creativity.
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