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A Limited View of Life
and of Ourselves
by John Welshons
One of the most
popular philosophers of the twentieth century, Alan Watts illustrated the
limitations in the way we view ourselves by telling the story of a young man
who approached him one evening after a lecture.
The smiling young man began
proudly telling Watts about his girlfriend and how wonderful she was.
Eventually, he pulled out his wallet and opened it to show Watts a photograph
of his beloved. It was a standard, wallet-sized photo, 21/2 inches by 31/2
inches. The young man
smiled proudly and lovingly. "That looks just like her!" he said, pointing to
the photo. "Really?" said
Watts. "Is she that small?"
The point is that
we often see ourselves symbolically more readily than seeing who and what we
really are. We do the same thing with the world around us. Think of how many
times we have found ourselves in beautiful natural surroundings, looking
directly -- in absolute awe -- at something like the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls,
or Mount Rainier.
Suddenly, someone
nearby will say, "It looks just like a postcard!" We nod enthusiastically in
agreement. We rarely notice, and hardly ever question, the bizarre, skewed
manner in which our perceptions have become distorted. For many of us, a
photograph is more familiar, more recognizable, than the real thing.
We are part of a
whole. When we live in artificial, human-made, climate-controlled environments,
we don't learn to tune to the flow of nature. We don't develop the capacity to
understand our dependence on and interconnectedness with the natural world. In
the absence of direct immersion in the natural world, we lose the awareness of
our inherent connection with it.
In fact, modern
Western culture, supported by sometimes questionable interpretations of
biblical teaching, has long held the notion that humankind is destined to
dominate nature. Certain forms of Christianity, in particular, have tended to
see human beings as separate from the natural world, a belief that has
engendered a profound arrogance, an indifference to the health and well-being
of the environment, and an indifference to the overall health and well-being of
humanity.
At the same time this teaching gives us the false hope that every
disease can be cured and every problem in the natural world can be corrected
through human intervention. This attitude has put us on the path to destroying
our planet through wanton pollution of our air and water and ceaseless
depletion of the earth's natural resources. We have consistently believed that
the problems we are creating, if there are any, are exaggerated. We believe we
will have plenty of time to find solutions later.
Our culture has
readily subscribed to the notion that every story can have a happy ending and
that every individual is supposed to live happily ever after. We have become
quite capable of blithely ignoring the inherent dangers and uncertainties in
our physical universe, and the inherent dangers and negative consequences of
our unwise actions.
Many philosophical
materialists -- including Sigmund Freud -- have suggested that our fascination
with the afterlife is but one more delusional projection of our "happily ever
after" complex. The suggestion is that many people who embrace the notion of a
glorious afterlife do so in the absence of clear and direct experience. Whether
or not there actually is an afterlife is somewhat inconsequential for most
people, who believe there is simply because it gives them comfort. Most people
hold tenaciously to that belief without any corroborating evidence or
experience.
There is an
enormous difference between believing something simply because someone else has
told us it is true and experiencing that it is true because we have direct,
firsthand knowledge about it. It is the difference between the certainty of
those who have had a near-death experience and those who believe in the
afterlife simply because they have been told it exists. It is the difference
between the certainty of those who have had a profound experience of mystical
connection with God and those who believe in the potential of connection with
God simply because they have been told about it.
Freud also
asserted that it is impossible for the human ego to imagine its own extinction.
That is, he believed our minds cannot comprehend the fact that we will
inevitably die. He suggested, therefore, that our minds construct ideas about
eternal afterlife primarily because of the fear engendered by our ego's
inability to imagine its own death.
While Freud
intimately grasped certain aspects of the human mind and was the first to map
out many levels of the conscious and subconscious minds in an insightful
manner, he failed to grasp the totality of who we are and how our minds
function.
From the spiritual
perspective, it is important to remember that our intuitive hearts literally
know everything. We know Truth. No matter how often we ignore our intuition, no
matter how much effort and energy we put into denying and ignoring the
realities of life in the world of form, no matter how skilled we become at
ignoring the part of ourself that is wise, there is still always a part of us
that knows the truth. No matter how much we ignore the fact that we are all
going to die, there is always a core awareness within us that knows we are. No
matter how much we ignore the fact that our everyday thoughts and actions have
far-reaching and long-lasting consequences, there is always a core awareness
within us that knows these things.
And no matter how
much we ignore the fact that we are all connected, that we are all one... there
is always a core awareness within us that knows we are.
What we most often
ignore is actually the most important dimension of our being -- our identity as
a soul. From the standpoint of our soul, we are infinite, eternal beings of
Light. We are permanently connected to, and in all essential respects one and
the same with, God. To see ourselves as anything less than this, to think that
our finite bodies, minds, and personalities are the totality of our existence,
can only lead to a sense of incompleteness and despair. Because there is always
a subtle, quiet place within us that knows the Truth of our magnificence. To
live and think and act as if we are less than we really are brings enormous
dissatisfaction.
So much of our
suffering in life is caused by the practice, fully supported by our culture, of
ignoring these truths. So many of our problems arise from a fundamental
disconnection with our own awareness, our own wisdom, and the natural world.
Once we disconnect ourselves from what we know, and what is real, we are free
to careen headlong into illusory beliefs and bizarre behaviors. None of those
beliefs and behaviors, rooted in illusion, can ever bring lasting happiness.
Once we believe we
are our body and our personality, we will continually pursue happiness where it
can never be found. Once we believe that our happiness comes from wealth,
possessions, fame, youth, power, sex, narcotics, or alcohol, we become capable
of acting in extraordinarily ruthless and selfish ways to get what we think we
want. And once we believe that it is actually possible or is our divinely
ordained right to subdue and dominate the natural world, we become capable of
thinking and acting in bizarre, disconnected ways.
But the very same
mind that makes us miserable can also lead us to joy.
Buddhist teaching
affirms that at our core all humans are kind, loving, and compassionate. This
loving, compassionate kindness is sometimes referred to as our "true nature,"
or our "Buddha nature." Although there is usually some significant effort
required as we strive to come into harmony with our true nature, the process
involves unfolding -- or unearthing -- that which is already within us, not
adding something we didn't already have. Buddha suggests that only the full
awareness of our true nature and learning to live in harmony with it can bring
us happiness.
A few years ago, a
number of Western psychologists invited the Dalai Lama to join them for a
conference on the similarities and differences between Western psychology and
Buddhist psychology. At one point, one of the Western psychologists mentioned
the term low self-esteem. He spoke the words in passing, almost with a sense
that it was an inevitable characteristic of the human mind and therefore a
given in human experience.
The Dalai Lama
looked stunned. He said he didn't understand. He wasn't sure what the concept
of low self-esteem meant. He asked that it be translated into his native
language. His translator struggled for a few moments. Eventually, his
translator concluded that there is just no way to translate low self-esteem
into the Tibetan language. In Tibetan culture, there is no such concept. When
the Dalai Lama began to grasp what the term meant, a strange look of compassion
and wonder spread across his face. At that moment, his very sweet, deliciously
expressive face seemed to say, "Oh my goodness, can Westerners ever come up
with some extraordinary ways to suffer!"
Can you imagine
living in a culture where low self-esteem doesn't exist?
In the Tibetan
Buddhist culture, and in many other non-Western cultures, when a child is born,
the entire community gathers to celebrate the birth of a celestial being, a
being of Light who has come to earth to bless us. An angel, a divine being, has
taken form to be among us, to help us, and to bring more Light into the world.
In our culture, a
new birth is also greeted with great celebration. But while we enjoy the
cuteness, beauty, and innocence of a newborn infant, much of our momentary joy
is colored by anticipation and expectation. We say, "Oh, what a beautiful baby!
Maybe she'll go to Harvard some day. Maybe he'll be President of the United
States! Maybe she'll be a doctor! Maybe he'll be a famous movie star. Maybe
she'll invent the drug that cures cancer!"
We are creating
the sense that infants are not enough just as they are. They may be beautiful,
and we may be joyful that they have been born, but the real meaning and importance
of their life will come later. We begin telling our children -- and thus
ourselves -- that our value as human beings will be measured by how much we can
collect, achieve, and accomplish. The message is that our arrival on earth is
not so much a gift as it is the beginning of a contest... a relentless quest to
prove ourselves worthy of love.
Western culture
has undeniably been affected by the peculiar Christian doctrine of original
sin, which posits that as soon as we are born, we have already lost our connection
with God. We therefore, as a culture, have a difficult time perceiving the
essential spiritual purity of children, the fundamental completeness of their
being. Most of us, from the moment of our birth and for the rest of our life,
are constantly striving to be redeemed, to overcome our "sinfulness," to
compensate for our fundamental lack of worthiness. We spend our lives striving
to feel that we are acceptable in the eyes of our Creator and in the eyes of
humanity.
We teach children
that it is what they become that will determine their worthiness to be loved
and to be happy. They must learn, and do, and produce. They must impress us.
This is the essence of socialization and acculturation in modern Western
culture. We become other-directed rather than inner-directed, looking outside
ourselves for happiness, approval, and fulfillment. We look into the eyes of
others -- first our parents, then other adults, then our relatives, our friends,
our community, and our peers -- to see if we are okay. We spend much of our
lives asking, "Am I enough? Do you love me? Do I look good? Have I done a good
job? Am I complete yet?"
And for most of
us, the culture keeps answering no.
Even when the
answer is yes, our training is so ingrained that we can never seem to feel we
have gotten enough approval.
No matter how good
we become at achievement, there is almost always someone better than us. No
matter how rich we become, there is usually someone wealthier. No matter how
much power we amass, there is usually someone more powerful. No matter how
beautiful we become, there is usually someone more beautiful.
The vast majority
of us have not and will not achieve the pinnacle of success as defined by our
culture... the pinnacle of beauty, strength, wealth, athletic prowess, intellectual
achievement. Most of us are, in worldly terms, rather average.
And we are never
at a loss for reminders of our shortcomings, at least in the eyes of the
culture. Just look at any magazine for the messages being sent by the
mainstream media. One of the first things that becomes clear is that, as a
culture, we are obsessed with beautiful, slender, youthful, toned bodies and
wrinkle-free faces. We are addicted to the notion that we can win the lottery,
win the big game, remake ourselves into whatever we perceive the culture holds
as an ideal. We believe that doing so will make us happy.
Through our media,
we are also constantly surrounded by images of violence and images that depict
violence as entertainment. We are fascinated by murder, brutality, and depravity.
We encourage dishonesty, selfishness, greed, and anger. We think that the naked
human body, as God created it, is not to be seen by children. But we bombard
them with images of sexuality and images that equate sexuality with happiness
and success.
Rarely do we offer
our children magazines, television programming, advertising, and movies that
promote kindness, generosity, compassion, and wisdom. Instead, they receive,
each and every day, messages that tell them that they can be happy only if they
look like this, wear this, drive this, put this on their hair, eat this, smell
this way, invest their money here, have this dream home, take this drug, take
this dream vacation, find the perfect mate, lose this much weight...
Our culture is so
attached to youth that we will do almost anything to pursue the illusion of
holding on to it. We have creams, dyes, pills, potions, and gels designed to
help us erase the effects of aging. We can color our hair and erase our
wrinkles. Cosmetic plastic surgery has become a widely accepted,
mega-billion-dollar industry in our culture, constantly advertised and fully
supported with widespread cultural approval. Medical statistics show that more
than 10.2 million cosmetic surgery procedures were performed in the United States
in the year 2005. And that number is expected to increase every year for the
foreseeable future. We even have a number of television reality programs
dedicated to following the lives, practices, and procedures of plastic surgeons
and their patients.
In contrast, in
many non-Western cultures it is the elders who are most appreciated because
they have the greatest wisdom, knowledge, and experience. The elders are the
ones who have lived long enough to know a great deal about life, about what is
important, about the things that have real and lasting value.
Right now, as you
are reading this, starvation continues to be one of the greatest causes of
human suffering in nearly every corner of the globe. Every five seconds,
somewhere in the world a child dies of starvation. Despite all of the
extraordinary economic, agricultural, and medical resources we have at our
disposal, despite all of the advanced technology and knowledge we have at our
fingertips, and despite all of the abundant wealth we possess, there are still
many cultures where two parents have to give birth to ten children in order to
have one who reaches the age of twelve. Yet so much of what we have could so
easily and gracefully be shared with others.
At this very
moment, our own culture suffers from an abundance of overeating and obesity.
The resultant health problems are enormous, creating an extraordinary burden on
our health-care system. In our culture millions of people spend billions of
dollars on products and programs designed to help them lose weight. And
millions of people freely spend billions of dollars on plastic surgery they
don't need.
With just a slight
change in perception, just a slight adjustment, we always have the opportunity
to see life differently. What is required is learning how to let go of the
neurotic, shortsighted, culturally bound notions of who we are and what our
lives are about. When we can do that, a vast new universe of possibilities --
for happiness and fulfillment -- opens up before us.
There is one
helpful principle to keep in mind as we begin to evolve toward recognizing the
awesome nature of who and what we truly are: "Just because a lot of people
believe something doesn't make it true."
There was a time
when nearly everyone on earth believed that the earth was flat. It took a few
courageous, unintimidated explorers to help us all know the truth. A handful of
special people had an intuitive sense that things were not the way most people
believed them to be. The explorers were willing to take great risks to advance
our understanding.
For the past five
hundred years, as a result of their uncertain and perilous journey, the rest of
the human race has benefited from a much more accurate knowledge of ourselves,
our planet, our universe... and our place in the cosmos. And in the years and
decades to come, the human race can benefit from the inner exploration you are
embarking on.
Each of us is a
soul. Our soul possesses a natural transcendent capacity for eternal joy, right
at the core of our being. That place of transcendent joy endures through
anything and everything that happens to us. There is a part of us, an abiding
realm of consciousness, that has never changed, not even slightly, since before
we were born.
It doesn't change
as we get old.
And it doesn't
change when we die.
The only true
happiness in life, the only true security, comes from growing into a full
awareness of this formless, infinite, eternal soul. Anything we have identified
as who and what we are -- a male, a female, a husband, a wife, a widow, a
widower, a father, a mother, an old person, a child, an American, an intellectual,
an athlete, a beautiful person, an unattractive person, a success, a failure,
wealthy, poor, ambitious, lazy -- is just an illusion.
These identities are
illusions because they are all transitory. They are subject to change, decay,
and death. Collectively, they form the incredibly limited, culturally defined,
hopelessly distorted lens through which we view ourselves. But these distorted
perceptions have nothing to do with who we truly are.
This article was excerpted from the book:
 When Prayers Aren't Answered
by John Welshons.
Reprinted with permission of
the publisher, New World Library, Novato, CA. ©2007. www.newworldlibrary.com or 800-972-6657 ext. 52.
For More Info or to Order This Book (hardcover). or in the Kindle edition.
More books by this author.
About the Author
John Welshons is
the author of When Prayers Aren't Answered and Awakening from Grief. A
much sought after speaker who offers lectures and workshops on terminal
illness, grief, and other topics, he has been helping people deal with dramatic
life change and loss for over 35 years. He is the founder and president of Open
Heart Seminars and lives in New Jersey. Visit his website www.openheartseminars.com.
Another article by this author.
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