Dropping the Labels
by Susan Ann Darley
What
a joy when you buy something, take it home and the label effortlessly peels off
leaving not a trace of gummy guck behind. However, when the opposite happens and
it stubbornly adheres to your new item, whether it's a gift or a goody for
yourself, it's horrible. Not only is it frustrating to spend time trying to
remove it, but what is new begins to look used and old. The half-peeled paper
cheapens the product regardless of the amount you paid for it. Somehow it seems
devalued.
The same thing happens when we label others and ourselves. Another word for
it is judgment. And when we affix the judgment with super glue -- what a mess.
Pretend you are about to meet Ron Johnson for the first time. A good friend
of yours has made a critical comment about Ron beforehand. How does that affect
you when you meet him? Are you open-minded and free from judgment or do you keep
reading your friend's label planted firmly on Ron's shirt that says, "Ron is
dull." Do you take the time to find out how you feel about Ron or do you excuse
yourself abruptly and walk away thinking, "I don't like dull people."
The biggest trap in the world to fall into is that of making careless and
cruel comments about others. It is difficult not to jump in and fan the fire
with our own critical take on another. It is equally as difficult to remain
immune to the disparaging remarks and innuendoes uttered by others.
Why is this a favorite pastime? It fills the void. Care to discuss what it
fills it with? Toxic waste.
Critical judgment always results in creating serious plumbing problems --
internally and externally. And just what did you create today with your thoughts
and words?
Heavy-handed judgment often tries to disguise itself in the mask of humor or,
worse, the "I'm only trying to be helpful" stance.
How we treat others is simply a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
When we value ourselves, we cannot devalue another. Secure people do not put
other people down. They accept others as they are and look for their positive
qualities.
That does not mean smiling on a bad situation or tolerating harmful behavior
in another. It means intuitively understanding people and situations and knowing
when and when not to act or speak. There is a vast difference between judgment
and intuition.
Intuition allows you to discern the truth about an individual or situation.
It works to protect you and helps you to make healthy decisions. Judgment, on
the other hand, is a critical assessment stemming from fear. It's cold,
calculated and limiting.
Intuition presents you with insights that lead to actions that are thoughtful
and loving, no matter how tough they appear to be. Intuition is a response, not
a reaction. Intuition is healing, not harmful. And it arises from the voice
within that can only be heard when there is no judgment taking place.
You will never have enough information about people to judge them accurately -- so why bother? The path of judgment leads nowhere. It is a trap that enslaves
the person making the judgment.
The next time you are about to cast a quick judgment, ask yourself the
following questions: Is it true? Is it useful? Is it necessary?
Then there's the hideous monster of self-judgment that devalues you and
ridicules your dreams. Every time it rears its ugly head and puts you down, it
diminishes your self-confidence. Over time, if not restrained, it will break
your spirit.
It is a challenge and very difficult to refrain from making snap judgments
about others, especially when everybody else is doing it. But you are
responsible for your own evolution, not others. Do you want to meander aimlessly
with the herd? Or would you like to rise above it to where you can see clearly
and chart your own course?
The key to removing labels is to begin by valuing yourself. Your sense of
true value cannot be understood at the level of the intellect. It needs to be
acknowledged and understood at the level of feelings. It is heartfelt.
Pay attention. When you fall into the trap of putting yourself down, stop,
and then forgive yourself. Acknowledge that it is not the truth. Oh, you think
it is? Where did that belief come from? I suggest that you reassess your
attitude toward yourself immediately.
Were you raised with the "good person-bad person" theory? If so, there is no
way out of that judgment trap other than to throw the entire theory out the
window. We all have bad behaviors, which we can choose to change, or not. But to
label yourself as a bad person is completely self-defeating.
We are here simply to remember who we are. And it is possible to do so
without using herbs to increase memory, but if that helps, take them. Do
whatever works to remind you of your internal truth. Walks in nature, movies
that ignite your compassion, or books that spark your humanity often work
wonders. Soul-searching talks with friends, intimate moments with lovers, and
precious time spent in solitude all help to rekindle the truth of your spirit.
Ponder on the miracles of the universe; the glorious galaxies; the sun, moon
and stars; the exquisite designs, sounds, colors and fragrances of nature; the
eclectic and creative array of animals; a newborn baby. Awaken to the beauty of
life. How can you be any less than miraculous?
That very truth, when deeply felt, will prevent you from devaluing yourself
or others. People you might have walked away from in the past because of hasty
judgments might even become wonderful new friends. And never again will you be
intimidated or influenced by the judgments of others. What people think of you
will become none of your business.
You will be too busy designing the life you truly want. The power of
constructive love will then be yours to build with as you wish.
 This
article was excerpted from:
The Power of Constructive Love
by
Susan Ann Darley.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Wisteria Productions. ©2002.
Info/Order this book.
About the Author
Susan
Ann Darley is a personal empowerment coach and writer. She helps people to
empower themselves to "live their dreams" through private consultations,
teaching and public speaking. Susan helps people to move beyond the limits of
their past, to hear their "true voice" and find the courage to express it in all
circumstances. She works with individuals to nurture their creativity and to
launch their creative projects.
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