The Art of Forgiveness
by
Eldonna Bouton
A friend of mine told me that she read
somewhere that the original Sanskrit meaning of forgiveness is "to
untie". I've
not been able to confirm this, but I like it.
People often ask me, "How
can I possibly forgive my (rapist, abuser, ex-wife, etc.)? Are you saying I
should let them off the hook after what they did to me?"
When I hear
these words, I offer the following advice: It is you that are being let off the
hook? Imagine the person you cannot forgive as someone who once held a fishing
pole. They've set down the pole and gone on to other things, perhaps even
hurting others. In the meantime, you are still floundering in the murky waters
of the past, snagged on their hook. As long as you are spending precious energy
resenting, hating, and being angry, you will be unable to swim freely. What I am
asking you to do it is to gently remove the hook that keeps you tangled in the
past.
Think of forgiveness as letting go and not having to be
responsible for the other person's accountability. I realize that means
releasing the control you may feel this gives you over the person or
situation, however, it is you that is truly being controlled by the refusal to
let go.
A very wise friend of mine (whom I've never
met since she is a
light that twinkles on the other end of the Internet somewhere) put it like
this: Think of your abuser as a horse who is stepping on your foot. You stand
there screaming in pain and ranting at the horse. Why not lift the horse's leg
up and take it off your foot? In that way your foot can begin to heal and you
can let the horse move away from you.
Forgiveness is not an easy thing
for a lot of us. I believe this is because we associate forgiveness with
allowing another to "get away with" whatever it is that he or she has done. If
someone has done you harm, they will be accountable for their actions with or
without your anguish. However seen in a new light, forgiveness can be a way of
setting yourself free.
 This
article excerpted, with permission, from:
Loose Ends, A Journaling Tool for Tying up the Incomplete Details of
Your Life and Heart
by Eldonna Bouton.
Info/Order this book
About The
Author
Eldonna Bouton has published inspirational nonfiction as well as essays, humor
and fiction. She is currently working on a novel and plans to write a sequel to
this book titled "Loose Ends: Letters from the Heart", based upon readers
responses to the exercises outlined in the workbook. For information
or to reach the author, visit http://www.whole-heart.com. or e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
. This
article is excerpted from "Loose Ends, A Journaling Tool for Tying up the Incomplete Details of
Your Life and Heart." ©1999 Whole Heart Publications.
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