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Page 2 of 2
Inner Brat in Action
(Part Two)
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Bratty Behaviors: Addictive Habits
One of the most common effects of the inner brat is in behavior that we call addictions and bad habits. Habits are difficult to break. Addictive habits are especially problematic, because they involve not only psychological cravings but physical symptoms as well. Anyone who has quit smoking or who has stopped excessive use of alcohol or drugs will tell you that, for the first few days, the body undergoes a period of withdrawal that may include dizziness, light-headedness, tremors, and other highly uncomfortable sensations. These are the body's reaction to an abrupt withdrawal of a substance that it has become used to.
Withdrawal has a mental or psychological component as well. Just thinking about what you're giving up can precipitate some of the same uncomfortable symptoms as those caused by actual physical withdrawal.
When your inner brat gets you obsessed with feeling deprived, your body often responds as if it's in need of a "fix." Thus, long after the body should have adjusted to the absence of the alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, sugar, or other substance, you may still experience episodes of light-headedness just by imagining having some again.
The inner brat is instrumental in most addictive habits: smoking, drinking, gambling, drug use, Internet addiction, and even uncontrolled eating and shopping. It also comes into play when a person engages in marital infidelity. In each case, the inner brat demands immediate gratification, using persuasion, arguments, threats, or whatever it takes to get what it wants. Of course, all of these "conversations" that the inner brat has with you are internal, and sometimes they happen so automatically you don't even realize it.
Your inner brat tries to get you to do something that you know is bad for you. It also sometimes tries to have you avoid doing something that you know is good for you. The most common example is procrastination. Everyone procrastinates at times, especially when the task is difficult or time-consuming. Just like a whiny child, your inner brat doesn't want to exert itself at something that requires planning or extended effort.
The main emotion underlying procrastination is anxiety, a form of fear. When we're not sure if we can accomplish what we expect of ourselves, we feel unsettled and anxious. In order to reduce our anxiety, we typically promise ourselves that we'll get around to the task later. In other words, we procrastinate. This promise brings a sense of relief. Procrastination is all too common, mainly because it gives people a false sense of security. Just promise yourself you'll get to your taxes or your exercise or your homework later, and you feel better immediately. The only problem is that this relief lasts only a little while just until the next time you have to face what you didn't accomplish. People who repeatedly give in to procrastination are controlled by their inner brat. They are all too willing to let their inner brat relieve them of anxiety by rationalizing that this is the wrong time to begin the task or by promising that they'll be more motivated next week. The inner brat will do anything to avoid facing the possibility that it may not be able to accomplish what it thinks it shall.
Bratty Behaviors: Overreactions to Angry Feelings
Problems with addictive habits and self-discipline harm primarily the person who engages in the habit or resists self-discipline. When it comes to behaviors of the inner brat that arise from feelings of anger and rage, however, the primary adverse effect is on other people.
The inner brat has little patience. When it encounters obstacles, it overreacts to them, sometimes with grave results.
What about the notion that it's important to express our anger so that it doesn't get "bottled up"? Isn't it harmful to hold in angry feelings because they accumulate and explode later on? To some extent, this is true, particularly when the inner brat dwells on them and obsesses about them. On the other hand, behavior that we associate with a quick temper is best held in check. Research shows that when we "blow off steam," we become more aggressive rather than less. Angry behavior amplifies the adrenaline surge through our bodies, increasing the level of hostility even more. Any parent who has spanked a child knows that, in a series of smacks, the intensity increases from the first slap to the last. Parents who abuse their children don't start out thinking, "I want to bruise or maim my child." They are usually just angry and tense and, via their inner brat, seek to relieve the tension by hitting the child. Rather than reduce tension, the hitting increases it, and the parent continues to hit harder and harder. In the process, anger has gone out of control.
The potentially harmful effects of uncontrolled anger are not limited to the home. News reports of road rage have become more and more common. Some people become so enraged behind the wheel that they use guns to shoot other drivers who get in their way or who challenge them. One can only imagine what their inner brats must be saying: "How dare he cut in front of me! He's not going to get away with this!" or "Flip me the finger, did he? Well, I'm going to show him that nobody makes a fool out of me! That driver's gonna pay!" Road rage is an extreme manifestation of the inner brat. Thankfully, most people who get this angry don't have a gun handy. Nevertheless, they can still be dangerous. An angry person drives more aggressively, increasing the likelihood of an accident.
I have worked with individuals who were referred to me for evaluation and psychotherapy by their attorney or by the court. In almost every case, their explanation for their road rage was that the other driver made them angry. Rarely did they recognize that they lacked control over their own behavior. During the course of psychotherapy, it was helpful for them to picture an inner brat as a way of giving their anger a name. Once they had this tangible label, they could better recognize early stages of rage and take charge before their inner brat did.
Tantrums and road rage are not the only forms of angry behavior displayed by the inner brat. Sulking and pouting are other expressions of anger, but presented in a more indirect manner.
The inner brat operates in our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors. We hear it as a voice in the back of our minds, and we feel it in our bodies. The inner brat is the basis for much of our resentment, anger, envy, jealousy, and self-pity. It is also instrumental in our actions, including in our habits, addictions, and angry outbursts. Although the inner brat can be viewed as an entity somewhat separate from our true "self," it is, at the same time, a part of us. The inner brat is simply a convenient name for describing our darker side. We still remain personally responsible for our words and actions.
(return to page one of this article )
Article Source
This article is excerpted from:
Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide For Transforming Self-Defeating Behavior
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Beyond Words Publishing. ©2001. http://beyondword.com
Info/Order this book.
About the Author
PAULINE WALLIN, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice for the past twenty-seven years. She has served on the adjunct faculty of the University of Minnesota and Pennsylvania State University and as communications board chair of the Pennsylvania Psychological Association. Over the years, she has written numerous columns and commentaries for newspapers, magazines, and mental-health Web sites. She has helped hundreds of individuals, couples, families, and businesses understand and productively deal with self-defeating behavior patterns. http://www.drwallin.com
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