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Page 1 of 2 Inner Brat in Action
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Always in the back of our minds, ready to satisfy its wants and desires, the inner brat lies in wait. Whenever we're faced with a frustrating situation or a challenge to our willpower, the inner brat will use a variety of tactics and manipulations to get immediate satisfaction. It is responsible for much of what we hate about ourselves. Too often the inner brat influences us to say or do things that we later regret, just because it can't tolerate even mild frustration. Representing primitive desires and impulses, the inner brat wants what it wants, when it wants it, without considering the consequences.
The inner brat operates in three main spheres: thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In our thoughts, it talks to us, sometimes in gentle persuasive tones, sometimes in demanding, urgent tones, and sometimes in a threatening voice. Although we don't generally hear an actual voice, we do perceive thoughts running through our minds. When we find ourselves justifying our behavior or emotions, that's the inner brat trying to convince us that we are right, even though our better judgment knows otherwise. When we grumble to ourselves or dwell on the unfairness of a situation, it is our inner brat that keeps us focused on our misery.
Most inner-brat thoughts are accompanied by unpleasant feelings. Usually these are experienced as irritability or a sense of urgency. We experience such feelings not only in our minds but also in our bodies. Every emotion has a physical sensation associated with it, but not everyone experiences the same type of physical reaction. For example, some people feel their hearts beating faster. Others sense a tightening in their throat, chest, or stomach. Still others feel weakness or tension in the muscles of the arms or legs. Just as emotional hot buttons vary from one person to the next, so do physical components of emotions.
Physical sensations are not limited to emotions connected with the inner brat. They occur with all sorts of feelings, such as when a person is excited, or frightened, or overjoyed. They can also develop in response to medications or as a result of a medical condition. These reactions are what we call nonspecific. That is, they occur in many different kinds of circumstances and are not necessarily diagnostic of anything in particular. They simply reflect a state of physical or emotional arousal. The body becomes aroused by any strong stimulus that is either physical (e.g., a sharp pain) or emotional (e.g., anger). Since the inner brat includes some emotional reactions, these, too, are accompanied by physical sensations.
Besides showing up in our thoughts and feelings, the inner brat also operates in our behavior. It reveals itself when we engage in activities that we know are harmful to ourselves, such as smoking, drinking, drug use, and gambling. It is implicated in overeating, in spending money we don't have, as well as in procrastinating and making excuses. The inner brat is also evident in behavior that is hurtful to other people, such as temper tantrums, sulking, and sarcasm. Many extramarital affairs involve the inner brat. The parties involved usually anticipate that their own spouses will likely be hurt, but they rationalize their circumstances in order to satisfy their own desires. Whenever we engage in behavior that we don't like to see in other people, it is probably because we gave in to our inner brat.
Bratty Thoughts & Feelings
The inner brat gets jealous, resentful, and angry. When it doesn't like what's happening, it starts mumbling, grumbling, or even yelling inside your mind. When you find yourself going over and over something that seems unfair or hard to deal with, your inner brat is engaging in an extended monologue. The longer you allow it to dwell on whatever predicament you're faced with, the more you'll end up feeling angry, resentful, or sorry for yourself.
Bratty feelings are closely related to bratty thoughts. They affect one another. Inner-brat feelings include anger, jealousy, envy, and self-pity. While the latter three are directed inward, inner-brat anger is typically directed outward, often at other people. All these feelings have destructive effects, not only because of the feelings themselves but because of the thoughts and actions that they generate. When the inner brat is steeped in being angry or upset in some way, it keeps us focused on the negative. If we allow inner brat thoughts to control us too often or for too long, not only will we develop an attitude problem, but our health may also be affected. Prolonged negative thoughts and attitudes affect the stress hormones in the body and its ability to fight disease. Research has demonstrated a link between negative attitudes and certain illnesses as well as slowness in healing.
A cautionary note: It is important to distinguish between temporary negative moods and those that last for weeks or months. If you find yourself dwelling on the negative most of the time, this may be more than your inner brat. Chronic negative feelings are one of the signs of clinical depression. If, along with constant negative feelings, you are also tired and unmotivated, find yourself overcome by sadness for no good reason, have trouble eating or sleeping, or feel nervous much of the time, you may be suffering from depression. Also, these same symptoms can reflect certain medical conditions. In any case, if you have any of these symptoms, you should consult a medical or mental-health professional.
...Continued on the next page
This article is excerpted from:
Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide For Transforming Self-Defeating Behavior
by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Beyond Words Publishing. ©2001. http://beyondword.com
Info/Order this book.
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