Forgiving Your Enemies
by
Carlos Warter, M.D., Ph.D.
The
Buddha said, "in a battle, the winners
and losers both lose". When we're engaged
in conflict with a difficult person, our minds
become very narrow and our hearts close.
Polish statesman Vaclav Havel aptly described
this dynamic when he said that it is "the
fixation on others, the dependence on them,
and in fact the delegation of a piece of ones
own identity to them.. The hater longs for the
object of his hatred."
When
we feel anger and hatred toward someone else,
it becomes very hard to let go. Especially
when we are in active conflict with an enemy,
every action breeds a reaction, and negative
feelings only escalate. Our inner light
becomes obscured in a vicious cycle of
negativity. How can we let go under such
circumstances? How can we cultivate
equanimity?
Negative
emotions are fluid and contagious. Next time
you feel angry, examine your feeling closely.
What are you angry at? Are you angry at
another person, or their feelings and behavior
toward you? Why? Do you feel insulted,
unfairly judged, belittled, or demeaned? Does
this person somehow challenge your most dearly
held views of yourself? How?
When
you feel hatred toward another person, it is
you who are most harmed, not them, because
your hatred is closing your heart. Following
is a forgiveness exercise that allows you to
open your heart and disperse the clouds that
accumulate when you are in a relationship
colored by negativity. You can use it when
you're having difficulty with someone
specific. You can also use it as a daily
letting-go exercise. Activating the intention
of forgiveness is a powerful way to break up
self-deception and closely held views of who
you are.
This
exercise has three stages.
First,
ask to be forgiven for any time you may have
harmed others. Sit comfortably, close your
eyes, and relax your breath and mind. Then,
say aloud or silently, "For all beings
whom I have harmed purposely or out of
ignorance, I ask forgiveness." Now go a
step further and visualize your enemy or
anyone else whom you may have caused harm.
Let go of any guilt you may be feeling and
say, "I beg your forgiveness."
Visualize them forgiving you.
Second,
you are going to forgive others. Take a
breath and as you exhale, imagine that you
are offering forgiveness in the form of
golden rays of light, which connect you to
everyone in your life by whom you feel hurt
or betrayed. Say, "If anyone has hurt
or harmed me, on purpose or unknowingly, I
now forgive them." If someone specific
comes to mind, visualize a golden thread
connecting your hearts as you say, " 1
forgive you."
Third,
you are going to forgive any harm you may
have caused yourself. You can let go of any
false expectations and unkindness to
yourself at this moment. Release from your
heart any lingering anger or resentment you
have toward your enemy, and any guilt you
might feel for still having it. Say aloud or
silently, "For every way I have been
unkind to myself, intentionally or not, I
offer forgiveness."
You
can now visualize specific ways you may have
harmed yourself and offer forgiveness. Spend
as long as you like sharing the beautiful
feeling of forgiveness.
This article was excerpted by permission from:
 Pathways
to the Soul
by Carlos Warter.
Published by Hay House Inc. Copyright 2000. www.hayhouse.com.
Info/Order
this book
About the Author
Carlos
Warter M.D., Ph.D. is a medical doctor, transpersonal spiritual
psychiatrist, lecturer, and pioneer in the field of consciousness
raising and alternative healing. He is the author of Soul
Remembers and Who
Do You Think You Are? The Healing Power of Your Sacred Self.
Born in Chile, Dr. Warter has been awarded the United Nations Peace
Messenger and the Pax Mundi awards for his humanitarian efforts. He
presents keynote speeches, workshops, and seminars both in the U.S. and
throughout the world. His website is at www.doctorcarlos.com and his email
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.
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