Blaming "The Other Guy"
by Marie T. Russell
 It's
so easy for us to look to others to shoulder our guilt
for occurrences in the past. We accuse our parents for
our lack of self-esteem. We blame our siblings for our
lack of motivation. We blame teachers for our
unwillingness to express ourselves. And then later on,
we place on our mate's shoulders the weight of our
inability to sustain a loving relationship. Yet, who's
to blame?
No one is to be blamed, yet there is a
responsibility to be taken and it is ours and ours
alone.
Who is
responsible for the grief and sadness in our life? Who
is responsible for the hurdles that we find ourselves
facing? Who is responsible for the anger and resentments
that we carry within? Who is responsible for the
bubbling laughter and joy that arises also from within?
The word
responsibility consists of two words 'response' and
'ability'. It is the ability that we have to respond
in any way we choose to any given situation. You can
respond with anger, or you can respond with acceptance
and peace.
Let's
suppose that a co-worker says something and you feel you
were criticized. You may choose to feel hurt or you may
choose to look at that person's comments simply as
their perception of you. You have the ability to respond
in any way you choose. You can respond defensively (or
offensively), or you can choose to see that this
co-worker is simply bringing you a message. You can then
look at that message and see what truth there is in it
for you and what you can learn from it.
Yet, on
so many occasions in our lives, we have been quick to
respond with anger, and claim that 'he/she made me
angry'. An important thing to realize is that no one can "make you" angry
except yourself. This attitude is very empowering. Someone could consciously try to make
you angry, yet if you do not choose to respond with
anger, that person's efforts would be unfulfilled.
Many
times, I have seen in myself and in others a tendency to
avoid taking responsibility for our own 'stuff' by
placing the blame on someone else. 'If they hadn't
done that, I wouldn't be angry...' 'If my mother
had loved me more, I wouldn't be so withdrawn within
myself...' 'If my brother hadn't pushed me around,
I would be more willing to express myself...' Yet, in
all situations, we, as the powerful beings that we
really are, always have the choice of how we respond. It
is always up to us, whether we choose to be sad or joyful, angry
or understanding, fearful or trusting.
Even the
occurrence of death presents us with a choice. Do we
react with feelings of loss or do we instead focus on
the liberation of that soul from the chains of earth? In
confronting situations, do we only see one side of any
situation or do we open ourselves up to understand and
relate to the point of view of others? In an uncertain
moment, do we give in to our feelings of doubt and fear,
or do we surrender to the moment knowing that everything
that comes to us is there for us to experience in
whatever way we choose?
Yes,
each one of us is 100% responsible -- able to respond in
any way we choose. Why do some of us choose misery and
pain? Do we feel the need to punish ourselves or others
for events that have taken place in the past? We have
the choice to respond to the past with forgiveness and
through the light of understanding that we, and others,
are not perfect and were indeed doing the best we could at that time. Any
time someone acts in a way that you would judge
negatively, remember that they are only doing what they
feel they have to do at that moment. You have the choice
of responding with an expression of compassion and
forgiveness... or not.
Any
feelings of negativity that you carry around are hurting you. These feelings are stored in your body
and become like a rotting core of energy that poisons
your every moment. Why encumber yourself with feelings
of anger, hatred, and thirst for revenge? Any negative
feelings you harbor do not hurt the person they are
directed to; these feelings are hurting the person who is
carrying them around -- you.
It is
much better to empty ourselves of stored emotional hurts
and fill ourselves instead with light, love, and
compassion. We will feel much better when we are living
in a clean, light-filled body. It's our choice... Let
the light of love shine and make the darkness of
unforgiveness and old resentments disappear. See the
pain dissolve into well-being.
RECOMMENDED
BOOK:
Living With Joy
by Sanaya Roman
Info/Order
book.
 About The Author
Marie
T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also
produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from
1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and
well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own
inner source of joy and creativity.
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