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Page 1 of 2 Astrology Can Improve
Parent-Child Relationships
by Gretchen Lawlor
Your
children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, they
belong not to you.
-- Kahlil Gibran, The
Prophet
No child comes into this world
with an empty slate. Each has its unique journey, gifts, and challenges, which
are so effectively portrayed by the planetary patterns in an astrological
chart. A consultation regarding a child's horoscope can cultivate the parent's
sense of wonder and discovery about their child. In fact, parents have often
commented to me that astrology has given them an extremely helpful reminder of
the similarities and differences between themselves and their child (or
children). When feeling overwhelmed by the emotional tides and currents of
family life, the distance or overview of the astrological chart can help
restore perspective, compassion, and self-forgiveness.
No parent should mold a child
to their own life path or force the child toward issues and interests that the
parent regrets dropping themselves. Unfortunately, this happens far too often.
Parents can, however, expose their children to situations and opportunities
that bring out the child's unique gifts. The astrological chart can identify
the potential of those gifts, as well as indicate the optimum timing of
opportunities.
Parenting requires common
sense. Though not taught in the schools, it is one of the most significant and
demanding jobs any one of us will undertake. As an astrologer who often does
consultations for families, I realize the value of sprinkling my sessions with
touches of common sense and good basic parenting principles.1
What makes for a
good parent? What does a child need? A parent's primary concern is to find
ways to support a child's efforts to become a creative responsible adult.
Following are some guidelines in parent-child astrological counseling. (To
honor client confidentiality, the names have been changed and the birth data
withheld from publication.)
Parents Don't Have to Do It
All
Any shared pattern between
parent and child can spark connections. It might be a common passion or hobby,
such as finding pleasure or comfort in nature, or a mutual desire to talk
things through. If it is a two-parent family,
you may find one parent who possesses more ease and compatibility with the
child. It could be either the mother or father who is the prime nurturer in
the family. Don't stick to old rulerships of Moon to mother, Sun to father.
Either parent could be symbolized by the 4th and 10th houses.2
Often, a good connection
somewhere in the family dynamic releases pressure in the whole family system. Consider looking outside the
immediate family unit for help, such as to a grandparent or teacher. A
supportive grandparent may be indicated by Saturn or Pluto in aspect to either
the Moon or the 4th house (sometimes the 8th). Jupiter or strong 9th-house
configurations can reflect a teacher who is a guiding light for the child.
Strong Gemini or a 3rd-house Moon can suggest a deep bond with a neighbor or a
comfortable family down the road. With an emphasis in Virgo or a 6th-house
Moon, look for significant pets or suggest that the family consider getting
one.
The Moon in the First Seven
Years
While the ages of seven
through twelve are ruled by Mercury and ages 13 through 18 are ruled by Venus
and Mars, I consider those critical first seven years to be dominated by the
Moon.3 Until the age of seven, the Moon is the prime indicator of what a child
must receive in order to feel safe and well-nurtured. If a child doesn't get
what she or he needs, which is often indicated by difficult aspects to the
Moon, the child misses out on emotional resilience. That early emotional
hunger can dominate the rest of the life on an unconscious level. This lack of
resilience and subsequent neediness will continue to come up in the adult life
.4
When parents are doing their
best and their child is still miserable or confused or angry, it is
devastating. But a parent is also someone's child, and thus the issues are
complex and intertwined.
Whose Need Is Whose?
Moon aspects in a parent's
chart, especially those involving Moon-Saturn or Moon-Pluto, can indicate
unresolved issues that carry over from their own early years and are projected
upon the child. There can be a blind spot here where the parent continues to
re-enact an early situation that may not bear any resemblance to the child's
needs or inclinations.
With Margaret's Moon conjunct
Venus in Scorpio, she expected to bond passionately and intimately with her
firstborn child. However, her son Robin had a Moon in Aries squaring a
Sun-Mars conjunction. He didn't want the cuddling and closeness; he wanted to
be independent. He rejected the close snugly baby carrier, and fussed and
raged and bellowed for the first six months of his life. At six months he
rejected the breast for a cup he could hold himself. Within a couple of months
he was walking, and with this independence he became a happier person.
Since Margaret's Moon-Venus
conjunction aspects both Saturn and Pluto, she saw his need for independence
as a personal rejection. It was the flip side of her early rejection by a
mother with Sun and Moon in air signs, who just couldn't understand her
passionate, intense, demanding infant. By having these dynamics explained
through the chart's astrological symbolism, Margaret was able to acquire an
ongoing frame of reference to remind her to separate her own needs from those
of her son.
Therefore, with the birth of
her second child, she was ready. She saved the outward-facing baby carrier and
had her own program of interests and agendas that she had carefully planned to
keep going throughout the early months. Of course, the cosmos was still
dishing out lessons (the Moon's aspects to Saturn and Pluto). Her daughter was
born with Moon conjunct Venus in Cancer in the 7th house, loving nothing more
than hours of breastfeeding and her mother's total and undistracted devotion.
Nurture and Structure
Beginning with Mark's birth,
Caroline has used astrology, and through our connection I have gained
immensely from her natural ability to explain parenting principles and
techniques.
As she describes so well
(reflecting the duality of her Gemini Moon), parenting for her is a twofold
job. She needs to give her son what he needs to feel loved and she needs to
provide a safe structure for him as he grows to adulthood. What has she gained
from astrology to support her parenting? How does astrology give clues
regarding her particular parenting style -the strengths and the pitfalls? Does
it match what her son needs?
With Caroline's Moon in Gemini
in a dominant position conjunct the Ascendant, parenting is a major focus in
her life. She has an intense emotional need to make contact with others and to
find common language to explain and convey feelings. With the Moon in the 12th
house, this need may be excessive at times, based on an early history of not
connecting. She has the ability to find rapport with anyone and to present her
thoughts in a humorous, unusual, and engaging manner. In crisis, however,
Caroline wants to reason things out and make the most logical choices. With
her Moon square both Mercury and Venus in Virgo, she needs to be aware of a
tendency towards examining and categorizing instinct and gut reactions rather
than just feeling them.
With a trine from Moon to
Saturn, she takes her nurturing responsibilities very seriously. This may
describe how and why she is drawn to develop her gift professionally, as a
parent educator. It seems to be a creative choice. The out-of-sign Sun-Saturn
conjunction in the 5th house trines her Gemini Moon. Support also comes from
Moon sextile Jupiter in Aries, indicative of a generous willingness to share
her emotional experiences in a new field.
The question is: How does this
suit her son? Mark is an Aquarian Sun, which conjuncts Mars and Mercury in the
10th house, and his Moon is in Aries, which, like his Mother's Moon, is on the
Ascendant. He has many signatures of a strong-minded, willful, and independent
spirit. With an Aries Moon, he cherishes and aggressively protects his
independence. Emotional responses are spontaneous, uncomplicated,
unconsidered, and hard to explain. His emotions may change so fast that he may
not remember his old mood long enough to make sense of it for himself, or be
able to explain it to his mother.
With a Moon-Pluto opposition,
Mark can experience his mother as a tricky manipulator. He's called her a
control freak more than a few times. With her Virgo Sun conjunct Saturn and a
Mars-Pluto conjunction in the 4th house, Mark's impressions are confirmed in
her chart. However, because of astrology, Caroline is aware of this particular
pitfall and attempts to stay above-board and continue to work on it.
Caroline's parental themes of "nurture and structure" are an
excellent positive manifestation of these strong Saturn-Moon-Pluto
configurations. Both Mark and Caroline use humor to call each other on the
control issue, which seems to work to defuse potential head-on conflicts.
Astrology has been pivotal in
helping Caroline stay open to Mark's very different style and her best
responses toward him. For example, she doesn't want to fall into the trap of
helping him so much that he becomes helpless. She also needs to be aware of
her fearfulness about what he might experience in his life (Sun-Saturn in the
5th opposing Jupiter in Aries).
?1997 Gretchen Lawlor - all
rights reserved
Recommended
book:
"Picking Your Perfect Partner through
Astrology"
by Mary Coleman.
Info/Order
this book
About The
Author
Gretchen
Lawlor has been a practicing astrologer and
homeopath for over 20 years. Inspired early
on by a book called The Idiot's Guide to
Volkswagen Repair, she carries this same
approach into her astrological work. She
endeavors to empower others through the
simple and relevant application of astrology
to daily life. She can be reached at P.O.
Box 753, Langley, WA 98260; phone (360)
221-4341; e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
.
You can visit her website at http://glawlor.hypermart.net.
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