InnerSelf

New Attitudes - New Possibilities

Indigos--Self Love--Past Trauma

Editor's Note: While this article is directed to Indigos and their parents, its information applies to others as well.

ParentingIndigo Children are often perfectionists, and they can be very hard on themselves. They beat themselves up for every perceived infraction. One of the reasons why they become aggressively defensive when you scold them is that they're already painfully aware that they've made a mistake.

Even though Indigos can be maddening at times, it's important to temper how you express your anger toward them. Begin with complimenting them about what they did right before you tell them what they did wrong. Never forget to explain why, and give them reasons for your requests. Help your children understand that everyone makes mistakes. As A Course in Miracles says, "Mistakes require correction, not punishment." So often, Indigo Children feel shame due to their unique qualities, and because they've been told that they're "disordered." Their awkward social skills may cause Indigos to make mistakes when interacting with their friends.

Here are some spiritual healing methods that you can teach your Indigo Children to use whenever they feel that a mistake has been made:

The undoing.

When we make a mistake, the effects of that error have a ripple effect. For example, when I was in junior high, I gossiped about a girl. Very soon, the gossip was spread throughout the entire school, and the girl was understandably very hurt and angry. As a result of that event, I learned to keep secrets and avoid gossiping.

So, we Indigo Children may learn valuable lessons from our mistakes, yet we can also learn these lessons without having to suffer. A very effective method for dealing with mistakes is called "The Undoing." This method stops the ripple effects of mistakes from spreading forward. It helps the energy roll backward so that time is unzipped and the energy of the original mistake is undone. The Undoing works, because time is simultaneous instead of linear. Here's how to do it:

The next time your children make a mistake, ask them to say the following:

"Dear God, I acknowledge that I have made a mistake, and I ask that all effects of that mistake be undone in all directions in time, for everyone concerned. Thank You."

Ask your children to sit quietly, breathing deeply, while The Undoing takes place. Share with them anything you felt or saw during the process, and ask them to do the same with you. This method creates miracles! Most likely, the people involved in the argument or misunderstanding will forget why they were upset with your Indigos. They will truly "forgive and forget."

Karma balancing.

Sometimes we have problems with people because our soul has a previous history with them. For instance, you might suspect that you've known your Indigo Children in a past life, and you're probably correct. Trust your inner guidance, which will tell you in what way you were previously related to your Indigo Children (mother-daughter, father-son, husband-wife, sister-brother, and so on).

Many Indigo Children remember great details about their past lives, and they speak about them matter-of-factly, saying things such as, "Remember when I was the mother and you were the child?" This is especially true with children under the age of five. After that age, many children become more logic-based and are less aware of esoteric knowledge.

Whether you believe in past lives or not, you might agree that we carry "karma" in certain relationships. For instance, if you seem to have an ongoing pattern with a certain person, it could be a sign that there's some lesson for you both to learn within the relationship.

You and your Indigo Children can balance this karma without having to go through long, arduous, or painful lessons within the relationship by saying to your angels:

"I ask that all karma with (name of person) be balanced in all directions of time, leaving only the lessons and the love. I am now willing to release any unforgiveness toward (name of person), and exchange all pain for peace."

Sit quietly, and notice any sensations or impressions that come to you. Karma balancing is a powerful process, and most people notice their body shuddering as their cellular memories discharge stored-up energies.

Angel letters.

Your children can heal an argument or misunderstanding with someone by contacting the other person's guardian angels. If your Indigo Children are old enough to write, ask them to write a letter to the other person's guardian angels. They can write the letter on paper or on a computer. Anyone can contact someone's guardian angels just by holding the intention of doing so. If your Indigos are too young to write or aren't the writing sort, have them pour their heart out, mentally or aloud, to the other person's guardian angels.

At the end of the communication (whether written, verbal, or mental), your Indigo Children should ask the guardian angels' help in creating a solution. For instance,

"I ask your help, angels, in creating peace in this situation. Please help both of us to see the Divine light and love within each other, instead of focusing on fear and darkness. Thank you, angels, for this healing."

Healing Trauma in Indigo Children

When a person endures abuse or some other trauma, the effects can be deep and long lasting. In a way, we're all trauma survivors. Who among us hasn't been hurt in some way? Yet, there are those who have experienced unimaginable hurt, such as incest, molestation, physical abuse, ritual abuse, or a sudden crime, accident, or loss.

The results of such trauma are often evinced by behavioral and psychological symptoms called posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These symptoms include depression, insomnia or oversleeping, lack of focus, recurring memories or nightmares, feeling unsafe, and difficulty trusting others. Doesn't that sound like some Indigo Child you know?

It could be true that those you know were traumatized in a way you aren't aware of. For instance, many of the girls whom I treated when I was an eating-disorder therapist had suffered trauma during their first sexual encounters. Some were "date raped," and others were manipulated into having sex before they were emotionally ready. But I also feel that life here on Earth is traumatic, period. There are harsh interactions between people, and as one Indigo Child put it, "Kids are really mean to each other."

Bessel van der Kolk, the leading expert on trauma-related PTSD, and author of Traumatic Stress, has studied all of the latest scientific research on PTSD. He says that trauma survivors feel disconnected; don't have a clear sense of the present; lack imagination, and have an inability to think of stories. Many trauma survivors become isolated, cynical, and antisocial.

Those with PTSD tend to be emotionally reactive instead of analytical. They react almost exclusively to how they feel, rather than a normal mix of emotions and analytical thought. They also have difficulty thinking their way through problems.

Brain scans on trauma survivors show that their brains behave very differently from those who haven't endured great trauma. For instance, those with PTSD are constantly scanning the horizon and every situation for potential danger. They're always on alert. This can make them seem jumpy and defensive. However, trauma survivors don't notice safe stimuli, so they might miss seeing something that could make them feel happy or safe. If the stimulus isn't dangerous, the person with PTSD doesn't process it because it isn't relevant to their focus. The "amygdala" in the brain (related to noticing stimuli) isn't activated at all in response to non-dangerous stimuli.

CAT (brain) scans of those with PTSD were compared to those of people without PTSD. A noise was presented to both individuals, and the people with PTSD showed no response to the noise in their brain's back lobe, where emotions are registered. The non-PTSD control group showed activity in this region. This indicates that the elemental body is numb in those who have PTSD symptoms.

You can help your Indigo Children reawaken their emotional bodies by asking them to take note of examples of happiness or love during the day. Give them rewards for bringing this list home each day. Or, play a game with them by noticing small details when you're both in the car. Van der Kolk says that this method of learning to notice small details is a very effective healing method for those with PTSD.

Van der Kolk also found that there's a difference between reliving and resolving the past trauma. Those who remember the trauma but choose not to talk about it do better psychologically than those who don't remember, or those who talk about it. So don't worry if the Indigo Children you come in contact with don't want to discuss the nature of their past traumas. Van der Kolk has also found that rape survivors heal rapidly by going through a process called "Outward Bound." This experience helps these individuals regain a sense of personal control over their bodies. He also recommends Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Somatic Experiencing for survivors of all types of trauma. I've personally witnessed how both of these treatments have helped people heal from the effects of painful memories.

EMDR is a therapeutic process in which the therapist leads the client in a series of eye movements that helps reduce the charge of the traumatic memory. Many studies have shown that not only does EMDR reduce the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, but it also helps the client reframe their traumatic experience so it no longer interferes with their daily functioning.

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-oriented system of treating trauma that helps the client to gently discharge the frozen physical and emotional memories of the event. Very often, the mind and body become "stuck" at the worst point of the trauma, leaving the person prone to feelings of helplessness and immobility that are often triggered by reminders of the original incident. By thawing the frozen reactions, the person enjoys greater behavioral and emotional flexibility.

Angel Affirmations

Indigo Children feel that they're old souls, and you'll probably agree that this is true. They seem like they're 7 going on 37, and so on. Yet, the Indigos' external maturity may belie their inner insecurities. Many Indigos harbor deep seated fears about being abandoned if they're "bad." Sadly, many of them feel unworthy of love and will push it away when it's offered. When people emotionally beat themselves up, it can lead to addictions to cover up the inner feelings of inadequacy.

Most Indigos are hungry for positive feelings, even if they seem like tough, I-could-care-less types. I've found that the more difficult someone is to love, the more love that person needs.

Indigo Children know that love is the only truly important part of life. Pam Van Slyke, a special education teacher in Arizona, told me about one example that she witnessed:

Jason's mom was having a conference with her son's teacher and principal. Jason, age nine, was getting "antsy" while sitting outside the principal's office waiting. He started getting into many things in the administration office that he shouldn't have been touching. I brought him over to a chair where he could see his mom sitting.

Aggravated, after a few seconds, Jason got up and said, "I don't need to do this. I know what's important: I love my mom, and my mom loves me!" I immediately got Goosebumps. Later, I shared the story with Jason's mom. When I was done, tears welled up in her eyes, and she said, "Did he really say that? He never tells me anything like that." So, Jason wasn't saying those words like a parrot who mindlessly recites phrases. He apparently really understood that only love matters.

Affirmations can buoy an Indigo Children's sagging self-esteem. Here are some affirmations that you and your children can recite together:

I am a holy child of God.
Since God is pure Love, so am I.
I have angels surrounding me now who love me just for who 1 am.
I can call upon my angels at any time for help, and they are there to help me.
I am unconditionally loved by God and the angels.
I have a lot to offer the world.
My angels can see my hidden talents
I have the power to change the world in important ways
My mind is clear and able to focus perfectly.
I have an infallible photographic memory.
I trust my intuition.
I speak my truth with love and compassion.
I am now working on my Life Purpose, and I feel very fulfilled.
Who I am makes a big difference in this world.
Many people need and love me now.

A Message to Indigo Children

You've chosen a difficult assignment on a difficult planet, but fortunately, you have lots of help available to you. Many of us adults believe in you and what you stand for. We're counting on you to stand by your Life Purpose and not get sidetracked. Every adult needs your collective help -- whether they're aware of it or not!

You Indigo Children may be "little lightworkers," yet your Purpose is among the greatest we've experienced on this planet. Your role is essential, even if you're not sure what you're supposed to do yet. By keeping your mind and body attuned with meditation, exercise, communing with nature, and eating healthful foods, you'll be able to clearly understand the Divine guidance that will direct you on your path.

Please don't worry about any perceived deficiencies that you think you might have. If spiritual teachers waited until all their Earthly problems were solved before embarking on their Life Purpose, there wouldn't be any spiritual teachers working on Earth! Everyone has issues, problems, and annoyances to deal with. The trick is to stick to your priorities and not let life's dramas thwart you.

Our lower self -- the ego -- doesn't want us to work on our Life Purpose. The ego wants us to believe that we're inferior. It wants us to stay stuck and afraid. So it will ask you to hide your Divine light in the name of humbleness, and the ego will have you get busy with meaningless (or less meaningful) tasks, instead of working on your Life Purpose.

Please know that no matter how old you are, you're qualified and ready to help the planet! Any contribution you can make -- whether it's sending energy to a troubled person, writing a letter to the editor of a publication, boycotting companies with environmentally unsound products, or donating your allowance to your favorite cause -- is appreciated.

Please don't forget how much support you have in the spirit world, Indigo Children! Your team of helpers is waiting for your request right now. Just think the thought, and they'll go to work on your behalf immediately. You don't have to "earn" the help from God or the angels. They see past your surface personality and mistakes, and they see your God-given glory within. The angels are here to enact God's plan of peace, one person at a time. Whatever they can do to help you become more peaceful is a contribution to the entire planet.

Please do your best to resist pressures that could hurt your body or delay your Life Purpose. Ask for a second or third opinion if someone tries to label you with ADD or ADHD. Explore every possible alternative to Ritalin, and do your best to stay away from all drugs, prescription or otherwise.

Remember, we need you! If you delay your Life Purpose, the entire world will be delayed in enjoying peace and health. If life gets frustrating and it seems like others don't understand you, please talk to God or your angels. Try writing your frustrations down on a piece of paper and put the paper in the freezer -- that's an excellent method for releasing and surrendering. And many people who use the "freezer method" find that the problems really do get resolved and go away rapidly -- and in miraculous ways.

This poem made me cry when I first heard it because it reminded me of you, the precious Indigo Children. I hope that you'll take its words to heart:

My Beloved Children

Break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself,
You break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the Love,
Which is the Wellspring of your Vitality.
The time has come.
Your Time
To Live,
To Celebrate, and
To see the goodness that you are.
You, my Children, are Divine.
You are Pure, and
You are sublimely free.
You are God in disguise, and
You are always perfectly safe.
Do not fight the dark,
Just turn on the Light.
Let Go
And Breathe into the Goodness that you Are.

-- Swami Kripalvanandaji


The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children by Doreen Virtue. This article is excerpted from the book:

The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children
by Doreen Virtue.


Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Hay House, Inc. ©2001. www.hayhouse.com

Info/Order this book.


ParentingAbout the Author

Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., is a spiritual doctor of psychology who gives workshops across the country on intuition, spiritual healing, and manifestation. She has appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America, Leeza, and CNN, and her work has been featured in McCall's, USA Today, Woman's Day, and Redbook, among other publications. She has written several books, among them: Healing With the Angels: How the Angels Can Assist You in Every Area of Your Life, Divine Guidance, and The Lightworker's Way: Awakening Your Spiritual Power to Know and Heal, I'd Change My Life if I Had More Time, Constant Craving, Losing Your Pounds of Pain and The Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome. Please visit her website at: www.AngelTherapy.com.

Read more articles by Doreen Virtue.


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