InnerSelf.com

The break-up and divorce rate is now at 50 to 60 % and is expected to increase. But you can do something about your love relationship or marriage today.

My advice is simple. Go into a relationship to get what you want. What is that?

Wanting To Be Happy

Most people want their love relationship or marriage to work and to make them happy. If your love relationship is working, it will make you happy. If you are happy, you will fall deeper in love with your partner.

On the other hand, if the relationship is not working, you may become unhappy. If you are unhappy, you fall out of love. If you fall out of love, you break up. So go after what you want, which is a love relationship that will make you happy.

Dating the Right Person

Select someone who is the right person for you. How? Often when a woman is asked out, she may say, "But I don't know you." What does that means? It means she wants assurance that the man is the right man for her. In other words, she wants a confirmation. Confirmation that she is selecting the right person is the first step in relationship success.

Next: Hook the person. People commit to something if there is an incentive in it for them. To give someone a reason not to cheat or break up with you, give the person a reason in the form of an incentive, like Mr. Borrows – in the book — did. For example, you may say something like, "I will make you the happiest man or woman in the world, and here is why." Most people want to be happy in a relationship, so give the partner that which he or she wants — make them happy.

Breakup & Divorce Prevention

In West African culture, we keep doves as pets. To prevent them from leaving and not coming home, we give them sugar syrup; this way when the doves leave their nest in the morning, they always return home in the evening and never leave for good. Couples should give their partner something great that gives their partners a reason to not leave the love relationship.

For example, add what is missing in the relationship. If your spouse does not cook, rather than use that as an excuse to cheat — and I know people who do — teach the spouse how to cook, or the two of you could enroll in an evening cooking class together. Doing so arouses good feelings in the person, and people respond to feelings they have inside. Make your partner feel good, and you will prevent being cheated on or divorced.

Interracial & Intercultural Relationships

Learn something about each other's race. For example, if you are on a date with a Chinese woman, if she is up to forty minutes late, you show that you care about her by waiting and not complaining. A Japanese woman will wait for her date to drive off after he drops her off. In North America, on the other hand, you wait for the woman to go into her house before driving off.

A Perfect Match & Marriage

This is when the couples has the same values and vision and are moving in the same direction. It is called a perfect match or level three relationship, meaning the couple is moving in the same direction.

If you are engaged or married, put together a well thought out success plan to keep your relationship strong. For example, determine how to fix deficiencies that might arise during the marriage — such as, how would both of you resolve conflicts effectively instead of yelling or blaming each other?

Have an Exit Strategy

Sometimes, despite your best effort, the marriage may not work. Without an exit strategy, the victim of the breakup loses. During divorce, women often lose the most — especially single mothers.

So have a separate financial identify — a separate bank account. Without this, if divorce occurs, the victim will be reluctant to leave.

The problem with that is, now the balance of power will be shifted to the partner who wants the divorce because during the period he or she decided on the divorce, he or she could start taking money from the joint account and putting it away so that after the separation, he or she has something to live off. This leaves the other person in a very difficult position.

This article was written by the author of the book:

Dos and Don'ts of Relationships: Nine Steps to a Deeper, Richer Love Relationship
by Ernest Quansah.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book.

About the Author

Ernest Quansah is the founder of Adult Counselling and he has successfully coached many single men and women to find dates leading to successful marriages. Ernest Quansah has more than ten years of dating, relationship & marriage counseling experience. He has a certificate in Counseling from The University of British Columbia (UBC). In addition, he has a background in Philosophical counseling from The University of Fraser Valley (UFV). He is the owner and operator of Online Dating, Relationship & Marriage School (ODRMS). He is author of Dos and Don'ts of Relationships: Nine Steps to a Deeper, Richer Love Relationship. Website www.adultcounselling.ca

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