InnerSelf

by Julie McIntyre. None of us ever truly forgets the nurturing, warm comfort of the womb. We spend our lives trying to re-create that feeling of being held and protected. Nor do we forget the pain of individuation, of leaving Mother and home. We seek throughout our lives to have the separation and the resulting loneliness filled with meaningful relationships...

by Ken Druck, Ph.D. It’s up to you to take smart risks with love. You don’t want to put your heart in the care of anybody who’s going to hide their true self, treat you poorly, and/or turn out to be psychologically unavailable. Trust must be earned and renewed regularly by our actions.

by Isha Judd. We all lie. How contradictory it is: we are taught as children that we must always tell the truth, that we shouldn’t lie, yet society teaches us to lie “appropriately” — in order to avoid conflict, to be polite, to get what we want...

by Joyce Vissell. Whatever pain someone was experiencing, Charmaine had gone through it, and much more. With so much compassion she would talk about the power of forgiveness and the risk to bring healing to any emotional pain.

by Jamie Rose. When I'm talking with my guy, especially if it looks like we're heading toward an argument, it's really important that I remember to listen carefully to what he is really saying, and not just his words. I need to hear what's beneath his words, which, when we're having a disagreement, most of the time is some version of, "I feel like you don't...

by Barry Vissell.

The only real hope for intimacy is through vulnerability. The only real hope of having a loving, fulfilling, dynamic relationship is through showing all of you – not just your strength.

by David W. McMillan, Ph.D. There can be plenty of tension associated with Valentine's Day. One cold, dreary February 14th, I am at the grocery store at 5 p.m. In the parking lot I can see men getting out of their cars and scurrying into the store. Inside at the express lane checkout counter are five men standing in line, each holding a dozen roses...

I pray that I no longer seek for the other one for I have found completion in me. And if in my solitary journey,  I happen to join with another soul, let our hearts merge because we have so much love to give... And if we find ourselves taking, let our receiving be based on...

by Marie T. Russell.

Someone once said that intimacy is spelled into-me-see. Thinking it of it that way sheds light on why it frightens us. Letting someone see into us when we are afraid of letting them see our hidden "faults and foibles" can be frightening...

When it comes to socializing, is your philosophy "The more, the merrier?" If so, you definitely show qualities associated with the trait known as extroversion...

Few of us grasp the wholeness that is love-making. In true love-making, two people come together, open in body, mind, heart, and soul. They are intimate in love, and they join together and become one. They move together with pleasure toward an ecstatic moment...

According to most of the singles I have met in my travels, the typical dating situation is fraught with fear. It seems that when people believe there's a lot at stake, they get nervous and instead of being their creative, delightful selves, they resort to various anxiety management strategies...

by Osho. Love has to be understood, not as a biological infatuation — that is lust. That exists in all the animals; there is nothing special about it. Love is the fragrance of a silent, peaceful, meditative heart. Love has nothing to do with biology or chemistry or hormones...

There's a psychological war that goes on in us humans between self-hate and self-love. It's a part of another battle that persists: the energy war between living and dying, building energy and depleting energy. The two issues are wrapped up with abundance and love, and they can very dramatically affect your ability to earn money and pull abundance to you...

"A childless royal couple finally has a baby... Life spins along normally for the next sixteen or so years. One day, the princess discovers..." This version of "Sleeping Beauty complete with the ogre mother was recorded by Charles Perrault. The Sleeping Beauty story is believed to date back at least to the fourteenth century.

by Shepherd Hoodwin.

Once you are in a relationship, how can you develop intimacy? One key is honesty. Some people tell little lies about themselves when they first begin a relationship. This is destructive to intimacy, because your partner will never be completely sure if you are telling the truth. It is much easier to maintain credibility if you...

Living behind a glass wall can be lonely. You can see the others out there, yet you somehow remain separated from them. Your wall may be called "I?m not good enough" or "No one understands me or loves me". These glass walls have a way of magnifying the negative. Yet whatever you see through the wall is only the...

The human being thrives on touch. An enormous amount of research has been done in recent years, on both human beings and animals, in regards to touch. The results show that lack of touch ("cutaneous deprivation") can lead, not only to emotional disturbances but also, to a lessened intellectual ability and physical growth, reduced sexual interest, and even a weakness of the immune system.

In a culture riddled with guilt, sexual confusion, and body shame, the sexual force has often been misused. Yet when entered with joy, tenderness, and respect, it becomes not only a source of great vitality, but a guide to the ways of the heart.

Whether people are struggling to save a marriage, to cooperate in a family crisis, or to build rapport with a difficult boss,they usually have one thing in common: They need to share emotional information that can help them feel connected.

Fear patterns begin early in life, affect every relationship we have, and waste a lot of energy. Our inner dragons of fear can make us run from love and intimacy, hide from the very things we say we most want, repeat the same mistakes over and over, and see the world in black and white terms.

Soap operas are full of people who are in love and start withholding from each other. The nostalgia for what used to be, combined with resentment and hope for renewal, produces what we call romantic love. Romantic love is highly overrated. Romantic love is not as strong as a new friendship based on telling the truth. .

by Aluna Joy Yaxk'in.

In my recent conversation with my sister Connie, I was sharing the state of my life. I feel emptiness because I do not have a deep and intimate personal relationship. Victories and adventures are dulled when there is no one home to share them with. When I was finished, Connie said, "Sounds like you have all the icing without the cake."

Beyond all of the material gifts we share, the greatest gift we can offer each other is the truth of who we really are. While true love invites us to come out and stand naked in the sun, fearful "love" asks us to hide who we are for the sake of holding on to a person or relationship. When you think about it, how valuable can a relationship be if you have to live in the dark to keep it?

How often do you tell the special people in your life exactly what it is that you love most about them? How often do you identify what's good about your spouse, lover, children, sisters, brothers, dad, mother, uncles, aunts, friends, and colleagues -- and actually put it into words so there can be no doubt?

Many relationships end up focused on differences and so are based on a certain amount of friction, competition, and tension. Our intimate live-in relationships offer us a constant reminder of the work we still have to do. If we are successful, we can transform an ordinary relationship into the precious gift of partnership.

by Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.

Do the best couples have any secret strategies for staying mindful and not taking one another for granted? Paying attention each time your partner reaches out in some tiny way, even if you must say, 'Now's not a good time,' shows courtesy and caring, and keeps you both current with each other's lives.

You've been inundated with erroneous information. It becomes terribly hard to try to figure out what's right. You're inundated by all types of moralistic behavior, commandments, church rules, and law. Behavioral modification is probably the most simplistic.

Quietly, to yourself, think of the one thing you most want no one to know about you. Maybe you had an affair, or a nose job; maybe you stole something once, cheated on your income taxes or had an abortion. Sometimes the dirty deed seems absurd. I had a woman confess to me in tears that years ago she had...

We experience repetitious patterns in relationship, work, or health; different actors are showing up to play out the same role. Eventually we recognize that it cannot be an accident that the same type of people keep doing the same things; it is we who have drawn them according to the signals we are radioing to central casting.

by Barry Long. A long, long time ago, when human beings were not so fixed in their physical bodies as they are today, there lived a man (or was it a woman?) who made for himself a marvelous mask -- a mask that could pull many faces.

by Elayne Savage, Ph.D. We're programmed to have unrealistic expectations from movies and TV, from romance stories promising wonderful experiences with people who anticipate our every wish. We want someone to be always caring, always considerate, always loveable, always giving. But these romantic illusions too often leave us feeling cheated...