InnerSelf.com

"Don't tell me what to do!" We've heard that said many times... we've even said it, and at times when we didn't say it, we thought it! "Don't bug me! Don't get on my case! Don't tell me what to do!" Sounds like a teenager speaking... ah! but it is! It's that inner teenager that most of us still carry around inside.

In order to reach the summit of your own personal mountain, your mandate must be to love, inspire, and serve others in whatever you do -- not in some lofty purpose "over there," but in your daily life, right where you are right now. Every night before you go to bed, it helps to...

Do you consider yourself an emotional person? For centuries astute observers of the human condition have noted that people vary remarkably in this dimension. Emotional Intensity clearly plays a major role in love relationships, yet has oddly been all but ignored professionally...

Honesty does not come naturally to most people, but it is a skill that can be practiced and learned. I feel a deep sadness when I hear people tell me how much they have been hurt in their dating relationships and how this has caused them to approach each new relationship with fear or to give up on relationships altogether.

When most people are asked what they want to be remembered for, what matters most to them in life, or how they'd spend their remaining days if they only had a few left, the majority focus on relationship issues. They want to matter to someone, to love and be loved, and to contribute to making someone's life better.

"Communication" has become such a buzz word for what couples need to do that it's lost meaning. What you say and how you say it certainly matters, and I'll focus on ways to talk more effectively later. First, though, I want to emphasize that you can cut down on headache-causing strife using any number of strategies, most of which don't involve struggling for the right words.

The present condition of human communication is primitive. We may think that because of the development of the ability to see and hear into the far reaches of space that we must be quite advanced in the field of communication. But all this has little effect on our ability to listen with our heart...

According to Spinoza, "Peace is not an absence of war. It is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, trust, and justice." Arms limitation treaties are a necessary first step; but even if all weapons were to disappear from the earth that would not guarantee peace. We must actively cultivate peace as a virtue...

by Rebecca Z. Shafir, M.A. CCC.

If we could listen to ourselves as we converse, we would probably be astounded at how often we speak mindlessly. We are so taken up with being the speaker that, quite innocently perhaps, we make insensitive comments, speak inaccurately, or talk too much, hardly aware...

Traditional models of couples or relationship therapy emphasize being honest about our feelings, being "up front" and standing up for ourselves. The problem with these models is that when we are upset, we do not see things clearly. We do not see how the situation looks to the other person...

Giving advice is one of the points of greatest tension and conflict in our relations with our children. Parents want to help their children out of scrapes and difficult situations by telling them how to do it better. But giving advice often makes matters worse.

by Riki Robbins Jones, Ph.D.

If you're in a relationship and are ready to deal with your conflicts, don't be afraid. You and your partner have the power to share your feelings and needs -- and reach agreement peacefully. Is it possible for you and your partner to resolve smoothly the differences that arise in your relationship? Can the two of you have conversations that are safe and mutually supportive?