Communication

Communicating in Relationships

Love Holds No Grievances: Choosing Peace in Relationships

Love Holds No Grievances: Choosing Peace in Relatinships

by Joyce Vissell. I like the anonymous quote, “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” This poison can negatively affect every aspect of your life. Make a commitment towards love and clarity in your relationships.

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Men and Women Feel Things Differently: Guts and Hearts

Men and Women Feel Things Differently: Guts and Hearts

by David Kundtz. Many studies have shown that women's brains are wired differently from men's so they can both feel and recall both positive and negative emotions more strongly than men. The crucial point to understand here is that just because women seem to be more comfortable in the emotional realm, does not mean that men don't, can't, or shouldn't thrive in it...

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No More Hiding Places in Your Relationships

No More Hiding Places in Your Relationships

by Lauren Rosenfeld + Dr. Melva Green. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” How many times have you had this conversation? Something is obviously wrong, but it is not being acknowledged. Hiding places do not work in healthy relationships. Never have. Never will.

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Linking Up: Expanding Your Empathic Capacity

Linking Up: Expanding Your Empathic Capacity

by Tobin Hart, PhD. There is a natural tendency to synchronize, to link up with others. When two violins are located in the same room and a string is plucked on the first one, the string tuned to the same frequency on the second violin will vibrate, thus sounding the note...

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Is Lying Acceptable? Is It Healthy? Can It Bring Peace of Mind?

Is Lying Acceptable? Is It Healthy? Can It Bring Peace of Mind?

by Marie T. Russell. I was raised with the concept of "white lies". Here's how I understood it. There were two kinds of lies: the bad, real serious lies (the ones you might go to hell for), and then there were the lies which were more or less "OK", the white lies. Those were...

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Our Need for Receiving Acknowledgment & Blessing

Our Need for Acknowledgment & Blessing

by Joyce Vissell. There is a great need in every human being to be acknowledged and blessed by another person, especially their parent. People often strive to receive acknowledgment of who they are. When they do not receive acknowledgment or blessing, they can feel hopeless or unworthy.

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Breaking Out of Patterns of Cynicism

Breaking Out of Patterns of Cynicism

by William Fergus Martin. One of the biggest traps in life is cynicism. Cynicism is not the same as questioning, doubting or being skeptical. If we are just skeptical we have an open mind, but just need more proof. If we are cynical we have already made up our mind...

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Honoring Our Emotions & Examining Our Beliefs & Triggers

Honoring Our Emotions & Examining Our Beliefs & Triggers

by don Miguel Ruiz Jr. When we talk about it on paper, detaching or reducing our level of attachment doesn't sound so dif­ficult. There is no need to complicate anything; we keep it simple, moving from one interaction to another without becoming too attached to any one outcome. But in life it rarely happens this way...

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How to Speak Up about Anything: The I-5

How to Speak Up about Anything: The I-5

by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T. Asserting yourself may not come as naturally to you as it does to others. I know, I know. You're saying it's not that simple to do, especially when emotions are maxed out, the topic is super-sensitive, and you're strung out beyond belief...

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Love & Pointers in Harmonious Human Relations

Love & Pointers in Harmonious Human Relationsby Joseph Murphy. Sigmund Freud said that unless the personality has love, it sickens and dies. Love includes understanding, good will, and respect for the divinity in the other person. The more love and good will you emanate and exude, the more...

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You Are Patient! Accessing Your Patience When You Need It Most

You Are Patient! Accessing Your Patience When You Need It Mostby M.J. Ryan. I have tremendous patience with people. I can get occasionally frustrated, annoyed, or even angry, but ultimately my patience kicks back in. I simply re­fuse to give up on a living being. You too have enormous patience for some­thing and the more you study what fosters your patience, the more you will...

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Do Not Underestimate The Power of Words: To Heal or To Hurt

Do Not Underestimate The Power of Words: To Heal or To Hurt

by Joyce Vissell. Our words have a tremendous power to bring healing and strength to another person or to hurt in a very deep way. We should never underestimate the power we have to use our words for a positive effect on a person’s life or, in some cases, a lasting negative effect. When I was growing up...

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Is It Ever Too Late for Forgiveness or Gratitude?

Is It Ever Too Late for Forgiveness or Gratitude?by Stan Goldberg, PhD. The pain from the past that people experience often follows them to their deaths. I had been visiting Vince weekly for five months, and every week he began by telling me about his distaste for his brother, whom he hadn’t spoken to in twenty years. His animosity had to do with a...

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“Am I Too Much for You?”

“Am I Too Much for You?” by Joyce Vissell

by Joyce Vissell. Do you ever wonder if you’re too much for those you love? Do you ever worry that you will burden them? Do you ever feel that your loved ones already have enough on their plate to be concerned about your upsets?

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Dear Men: How To Understand Women

Dear Men: How To Understand Women -- by Barry Vissell

by Barry Vissell. Can men and women really understand each other? Sometimes it seems like the wall between the sexes is impenetrable. At my annual men’s retreat last month, the difficulty understanding women became a central theme. One after another of the men shared his challenges with his female partner...

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Toxic Communication Patterns: Put-downs and Shut-downs

Toxic Communication Patterns: Put-downs and Shut-downsby Starhawk. Put-downs are terms of disrespect, of ridicule and humiliation. I use the term shut-down for a form of communication that, instead of opening up a topic and encouraging debate and healthy conflict, shuts it off. Shut-downs may be overt but shut-downs can also be very subtle...

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How Heavy is your Relationship Baggage?

How Heavy is your Relationship Baggage? by Dr. Lisa Loveby Dr. Lisa Love. Though relationships can provide a lot of pleasure and reward, they can also deliver their share of hurt, pain, and misunderstanding. Whether intentionally or not, others may let you down. Learning how to cope with...

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Have You Heard of Club "Shouldsville": The Hottest Club in Town?

Club "Shouldsville" — the hottest club in town! by Tim Rayby Tim Ray. To become a VIP member of Club Shouldsville, you must constantly suffer from the belief that one "should" and "should not" say and do certain things in relationships. And since reality almost never lives up to most people's expectations and ideas about how...

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How to Move from Conditional Love to Unconditional Love

How to Move from Conditional Love to Unconditional Love by Isha Judd.by Isha Judd. How can we tell if our intimate relationships are based on need or something deeper? Here I share some common indicators of codependency and other behaviors that erode goodwill and harmony in relationships and...

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Healing Words: A Healing Tonic for Relationships

Healing Words: A Healing Tonic for Relationships

by Joyce Vissell. Everyone has unique words they need to hear. These words are like a magic sound to their ears, for they have perhaps longed to hear them all of their lives. The important thing in our relationships is to...

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Choosing to be Peaceful: Giving Up the Need & the Desire to be Right

Choosing to be Peaceful: Giving Up the Need & the Desire to be Right

by Karen Casey. Choosing to be peaceful over needing to be right is a big challenge. But it's one you must tackle if you want your life and your relationships to change. You have to give up the need to be "right." Giving up the desire to be right doesn't come as easily, per­haps, and that's...

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Can You Communicate with Honesty to Yourself & Others?

Can You Communicate with Honesty to Yourself & Others?

by David Wygant. You need to be 100% genuine with yourself. If being completely connected and honest with the way you feel about everything sounds stressful to you, then I’m sorry. Sweeping things under the rug is not allowed...

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How To Eliminate Blame In Your Life

How To Eliminate Blame In Your Lifeby Carl Alasko, Ph.D. Because blame can appear as every­thing from an arched eyebrow or a cynical sigh to a shouted accu­sation, identifying blame is not a simple task. And taking steps to eliminate it takes sustained effort. Here's how to deal with blame...

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Being Heard: Taking the Risk to Speak Your Truth & Ask For What You Want

Being Heard: Taking the Risk to Speak Your Truth & Ask For What You Wantby Daphne Rose Kingma. One of the reasons we often don't speak out is that we feel hopeless about being heard. It's probably true that you haven't been heard in the past — by your parents, siblings, spouses, or friends — and so, there's a part of you that says...

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How to Listen: Ask... Then Listen

How to Listen: Ask... Then Listenby Joyce Vissell. When you ask someone a personal question, do you sit back and listen to their response without any interruptions? Or do you fill in the waiting period with more questions and other talking? Most of us would right away say that we are like the first type of person or at least we want to be. Oddly enough, most people are like the second and don’t realize it.

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Go With the Flow, But Keep Paddling

Go With the Flow but Keep Paddling, article by Barry Vissell

by Barry Vissell. Here’s what I’ve learned so far from “Mother River”: Go with the flow! Most times the main current will bring you through tricky areas without any struggle on your part. But how often do we fight against the flow, not trusting the divine current to keep us safe. One of my favorite...

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The Golden Rule: Love, Light, and Compassion

The Golden Rule: Love, Light, and Compassionby Marie T. Russell. Imagine... a world where any time you inflicted pain, whether physical or emotional, unto any other being you would immediately feel the same pain. Such was the situation that was brought to earth by an extra-terrestrial in a science fiction story entitled Rule Golden by Damon Knight.

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Peacemaking: Actively Cultivating Peace as a Virtue

Peacemaking: Actively Cultivating Peace as a Virtueby Sri Eknath Easwaran According to Spinoza, "Peace is not an absence of war. It is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, trust, and justice." Even if all weapons were to disappear from the earth that would not guarantee peace. We must actively cultivate peace as a virtue...

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Don't Tell Me What To Do!

Don't Tell Me What To Do!

by Marie T. Russell. "Don't tell me what to do!" We've heard that said many times... we've even said it, and at times when we didn't say it, we thought it! "Don't bug me! Don't get on my case! Don't tell me what to do!" Sounds like a teenager speaking... ah! but it is! It's that inner teenager that most of us still carry around inside.

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The Four Rs

Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D.Relationships don't just fall apart overnight. There are warning signs to look for, signs that your levels of emotional tension are rising and that the relationship is in trouble. I call these warning signs the Four R's. The Four R's encompass the four stages of tension in a relationship...

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Healing Human Communications: Taking the Risk to Hear & Be Heard

Healing Human Communications: Taking the Risk to Hear & Be Heardby Rick Phillips. We may think that because of the development of the ability to see and hear into the far reaches of space that we must be quite advanced in the field of communication. But all this has little effect on our ability to listen with our heart...

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Living From Your Heart & Welcoming Everyone with Love

Living From Your Heart

by Caroline Sutherland. In order to reach the summit of your own personal mountain, your mandate must be to love, inspire, and serve others in whatever you do -- not in some lofty purpose "over there," but in your daily life, right where you are right now. Every night before you go to bed, it helps to...

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Emotional Intensity

EDWARD HOFFMAN, PH.D.,Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.D.

Do you consider yourself an emotional person? For centuries astute observers of the human condition have noted that people vary remarkably in this dimension. Emotional Intensity clearly plays a major role in love relationships, yet has oddly been all but ignored professionally...

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Ten Truth Skills: Essential Communication and Life Skills

Ten Truth Skills: Essential Communication and Life Skills

by Susan Campbell, Ph.D. Honesty does not come naturally to most people, but it is a skill that can be practiced and learned. I feel a deep sadness when I hear people tell me how much they have been hurt in their dating relationships and how this has caused them to approach each new relationship with fear or to give up on relationships altogether.

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Recharging and Connecting to Others

Recharging and Connecting to Othersby Eve A. Wood, M.D. When most people are asked what they want to be remembered for, what matters most to them in life, or how they'd spend their remaining days if they only had a few left, the majority focus on relationship issues. They want to matter to someone, to love and be loved, and to contribute to making someone's life better.

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How to Stop Fighting

Susan K. Perry, Ph.D."Communication" has become such a buzz word for what couples need to do that it's lost meaning. What you say and how you say it certainly matters, and I'll focus on ways to talk more effectively later. First, though, I want to emphasize that you can cut down on headache-causing strife using any number of strategies, most of which don't involve struggling for the right words.

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Deep Listening

Traditional models of couples or relationship therapy emphasize being honest about our feelings, being "up front" and standing up for ourselves. The problem with these models is that when we are upset, we do not see things clearly. We do not see how the situation looks to the other person...

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Giving Advice

Roberta Maiselby Roberta Maisel. Giving advice is one of the points of greatest tension and conflict in our relations with our children. Parents want to help their children out of scrapes and difficult situations by telling them how to do it better. But giving advice often makes matters worse.

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Can You Negotiate Love?

Negotiating Love by Riki Robbins Jones, Ph.D.

by Riki Robbins Jones, Ph.D.

If you're in a relationship and are ready to deal with your conflicts, don't be afraid. You and your partner have the power to share your feelings and needs -- and reach agreement peacefully. Is it possible for you and your partner to resolve smoothly the differences that arise in your relationship? Can the two of you have conversations that are safe and mutually supportive?

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Tracie Ann RobinsonI had a man tell me that the problem women have is that we get more hung up on a man's words than we do their actions. He meant that we don't always see if a man walks his talk. We get all caught up in the words, and ignore the value of actions.

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Anger as a Tool for Growth

anger as a tool for growthby Susie & Otto Collins. Everyone gets angry. Some people show it openly and others don't. In relationship, anger can be either healthy or unhealthy. How you process it is what determines whether it becomes a tool for growth or a source of pain and destruction.

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every-moment-of-life-is-an-initiation-the-journey-as-a-cocoon-to-butterfly by Simran Singh. Every situation in life has been an initiation—the leap forward, an activation; the reconciliation and clearing, the integration; and...Read More
who-is-in-charge-you-or-chocolate by William Fergus Martin. Many of us do things we wish we would not do. We may compulsively eat sugary or fatty things, drink too much alcohol, become a...Read More
embracing-new-life-allowing-your-creative-intuitive-power-to-lead-and-support-you by Simone Wright. I invite you to promise yourself that, from this moment forward, you will pursue with power and confidence every dream or desire you...Read More
coping-with-loss-the-many-faces-of-grief by Echo Bodine. We all deal with grief in our own way. Many turn to addictions like shopping, gambling, hoarding, alcohol, drugs, eating, and even...Read More
love-holds-no-grievances by Joyce Vissell. I like the anonymous quote, “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” This poison can...Read More
awakening-to-the-good-and-to-a-deep-sense-of-oneness by Ervin Laszlo. If we can choose the way we act, we have the responsibility to choose it wisely. Evidently, we can act to maximize our own...Read More
good-enough-to-be-true by Alan Cohen. When I began to teach classes on spiritual principles, I devoted time at the end of each class to pray for students and their loved ones....Read More
the-art-of-encouragement-how-to-encourage-yourself-others: The Art of Encouragement: by Mark Nepo. In many ways, to encourage is to help the heart unfold. And each time we do so, another aspect of our true self...Read More
horoscope-current-week-by-pam-younghans by Pam Younghans. This weekly astrological journal is based on planetary influences, and offers perspectives and insights to assist you in making the...Read More
innerself-newsletter-07-20-2014 We all have habits of some kind. The first step to moving past our habits is to connect with The Joy of Non-Attachment. Then of course, we can replace...Read More
soaked by Kurt Koontz. If Noah were alive, this would have been a nice day to bring the ark out of retirement... I woke up early and started walking in the...Read More
perfectly-imperfect-connections-the-joy-of-nonattachment by Susan L. Westbrook, PhD. The first step to connection is to open ourselves to the possibility that we can survive the hurts and failures that...Read More