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Research has finally explained and confirmed something I had noticed in my behavior. Maybe you have noticed this pattern in yourself as well.

You have a new project, or idea. You're all excited about it! It could be a diet, moving to a new town, writing a book or a script for a movie, etc. You formulate all kinds of ideas and plans in your head (and possibly on paper) for the realization of your vision. You start working on it. You devote an hour or more everyday to it. You're very motivated and look forward to working on it regularly.

Then you tell a friend (or two). And a few days later you find that your enthusiasm has waned. You no longer spend any time on it. It's not that you're no longer interested, it's just that somehow the motivation, the enthusiasm, the "presence" has gone. What happened?

The Subconscious Takes Things Literally

New York University researchers have shown that when you share your enthusiastic idea with someone else, your brain feels so good it gets fooled into thinking your goal has already been accomplished. Thus it withdraws its attention and focus. According to your mind and subconscious, the project feels like it's finished, but it is not! You've talked about it to others and felt good about it "as if it was done" and the subconscious, since it takes everything literally, thinks, OK, that one is over, next!

I was relieved to read about this research since it answered a question I'd had: Why did I start projects so enthusiastically and then just walk away, or have to force myself to continue. Where did the zest, the spark, go?

New Year's Resolutions

If you reflect on your own life, I'm sure you'll find similar situations. A good example is New Year's Resolutions. Does this one sound familiar? "OK, this year I will start an exercise program." Then you tell your friends about your resolution. I'm going to start exercising five times a week. Or, I'm going on a new diet. They may be very encouraging (or not), but I don't think that part matters. It's simply the fact that you have shared your goal, your vision, your dream.

Once you have done so, the fizzle comes out of it. Your subsconscious already sees it as "fait accompli" or a "done deal" and it no longer puts any energy into that dream or vision.

Don't Say A Word!

So what to do? Don't say a word! Keep your "secret" to yourself. While you may feel you'll burst by not telling any one, what will actually happen is that the energy will build up in you towards making the dream come true. Plus, you might work all that more quickly on getting the project done so you can finally tell someone about it when it's all done.

I know we often feel that we need the support of friends to help us attain our goals, but if the people are not directly involved in the project, then they don't need to know about it. If someone is very supportive, you might feel as if you're getting a boost by telling them, but you'll find that your energy won't be as strong and directed towards the accomplishment of your goals. And all because you shared it! Your subsconscious upon hearing you get all excited about the results you would get from the accomplishment of your vision assumed it was completed... and it was ready to move on to the next project.

By telling someone, you also run the risk that they may "burst your balloon" by telling you that it can't be done, that it's been tried before, yada yada. So either way, whether they are supportive or not, the danger is that the air may come out of the balloon of your dream after you tell them.

I Have Met The Enemy...

This situation is insiduous. An example. The other day I was sharing with a friend that I now start my day, not with a cup of coffee (that comes later), but with a glass of water with a tablespoon of Bragg's organic apple cider vinegar. (Look it up on the internet to find all the health benefits.) She also was aware of the benefits of apple cider vinegar and thought she might start doing that as well. So, yes, she was supportive, even to the point of adopting the new idea for herself.

So all is well, right? Well, no because the next morning, instead of reaching for the apple cider vinegar, I poured myself a glass of orange juice. And then proceeded to make the morning coffee, and poured myself a cup! Whoa! What happened to the "new daily morning regime" of drinking apple cider vinegar?

Apparently, having shared the "new diet" and been excited about the health benefits, my subconscious felt like we had already accomplished our goal and decided to move on. Yikes! And I thought I was doing myself and my friend a favor by telling her of my new regime.

So, upon reflection, I could have shared with her the health information about the vinegar, maybe asking her if she knew about it, but not share the fact that I had decided that I was going to do this every day. Oh, what a slippery slope our mind is. I guess that may be what is meant by that quote, "We have met the enemy and he is us."

Recommended book:

You Can Create An Exceptional Life
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About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

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