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You were born an original. Don't die a copy.  -- John Mason

You have heard how important it is to love others. You have also heard that it's important to love your Self. But have you ever heard about "having reverence" for your Self?

Several years ago, after learning many new principles and gaining fresh understanding, I would generally go through the days and weeks with my customary attitude (which it was necessary to police constantly so as not to be negative). Once in a while, all of a sudden out of nowhere, my ego would take over. Without realizing what I was doing, I would begin exhibiting characteristics of haughtiness and pride, becoming puffed up from having gained new insights and knowledge. Then without seeing it coming, in some unexplainable way the "props" would be knocked out from under me! It was like I had progressed to the twelfth grade only to fall back into the third grade -- at which point I would have to begin the steps of "improvement" all over again. When I again reached the previous place, I would be fine for a while but would invariably repeat the same pattern.

Each time this happened it became more difficult and took me longer to return to my former attainment. Doing this was not fun! When I realized that this pattern was slowing me down in my ability to accomplish my goals, I finally asked Heavenly Father to please help me know how to avoid its re-occurrence. I didn't have time to go back on that detour time after time.

The answer came upon opening my Scriptures one day. There it was -- right in front of me! "Reverence thyself." Without thinking, my soul was immediately filled with the reverence I feel for the Savior and God the Father. I felt it and basked in it! Then, in a split second -- again without thinking -- the feeling of reverence flooded my heart, except this time it was for my Self. I was overcome. For the first time as an adult I experienced a deeper sense of how God feels about me (and each of His children) than ever before.

Remembering my reverence for God and the Savior, then bringing that same feeling into my heart for my Self, was the remedy I needed! I also found that bringing this same reverence into my heart whenever I felt inadequate, incompetent, unworthy, or had similar feelings accomplished the same thing. Whether it is "overs" or "unders" that we experience, both these feelings/emotions are coming from the False-Self -- from the ego, and from a lack of self-love, self-respect, and self-worth.

With this break-through, I began understanding that the "task" of the ego is to assist a person in becoming conscious. By consciously monitoring my attitude, I could feel when I started slipping into either the boastful or the "less than" mode and would immediately bring reverence back into my Self. This simple shift "corralled" my ego and kept it from running the show. It also kept me from continually backtracking. In fact, it facilitated keeping me on track.

I invite you to experience reverence for your Self. Reverence means different things to different people, so you will have your own unique experience. (The standard definition is: to regard with respect and affection.)

Our re-actions are an outgrowth of our feelings and thoughts about our Self and others. We have learned how healing old emotional wounds from the past is paramount if we desire finding the peace we are seeking and re-discovering our Self. In the process of resolving the past, we finally begin understanding our relationship with our Self. If we choose, this relationship can be transformed from the least fulfilling into a most fulfilling and wondrous relationship.

You have learned the importance of listening to your words, your self-talk, and your thoughts -- how this leads to discovering your feelings. Turning inward for an understanding of how you feel about your Self, however, is undoubtedly the most significant listening you will ever do; because the way you feel about your Self is basically the way you feel about others. It also determines how you view your world.

The most "heart-wrenching" aspect of working with people is witnessing the lack of love, respect, and esteem so many feel for themselves. The numbers of people who lack confidence -- who feel inadequate, incompetent, worthless, not "good enough" or just "not enough" -- is impossible to count!

If we view ourselves as lacking in any regard, then the underlying unconscious program whispers to us that we can't really love ourselves. We must first measure up -- be confident, adequate, competent, worthwhile, or good enough. (Even though this was a startling eye-opener for me, if I think about it, it shouldn't have been so surprising -- that's exactly how I felt most of my life! What I didn't realize was that so many others felt the same way.)

Another malady that seldom does us any good is that of constantly comparing our Selves to others. Why do we do this? As parents do we say to our children, "How come you aren't more like your sister/brother/friend?" And doesn't the media contribute to this as well -- with sports stars, and all the heroes and entertainers that are held up to our children to emulate? The list goes on and on -- everywhere we turn! Whatever happened to authenticity? Why do so many people want to fit the mold that society creates for them? Why do they look for identity outside of themselves instead of within, where their own magnificent uniqueness resides?

Our uniqueness can be the most beautiful aspect of living. Each of us is a thread in God's tapestry. Each of these threads is uniquely different, and this is "perfect." Continually measuring ourselves against others is as sad and irrational as the following tale:

The ANIMAL SCHOOL
Dr. George H. Reavis Assistant Superintendent,
Cincinnati Public Schools, 1939-1948

With all the conditions we've had placed upon us from the time we began the reasoning process, is it any wonder that it's a challenge feeling better about ourselves? Is it any wonder so many of us feel "less than"? When there are feelings of lack in any direction, we go through life struggling to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of loving our Self, and few of us achieve our desired goal. Consequently, many of us continue "existing" without honestly knowing what it's like loving and honoring our Self.

We have discussed, to some extent, the origin of the nonproductive feelings or beliefs that keep us distanced from our Self, and how we acquired them. It is also essential to know that we acquired some of these feelings and beliefs before we were born. Or, they may have been established at birth. As children, we may also have unknowingly accepted what someone said about us as true (whether it was or not), and internalized their view about us.

Unfortunately, our tender ego often causes us to be very vulnerable. We embrace the negative things we hear about ourselves, but dismiss the positive feedback people give us. Where these feelings came from, however, doesn't really matter. The important thing is to finally recognize the way we feel about our Self, to take the necessary steps for re-solving the feelings that don't serve us, and to continue moving on.

Opening your heart is where it starts. Moving forward is what's important. You progress rapidly when you begin accepting your life at this exact moment -- realizing it "just is" -- whereas dwelling on wounds from the past or placing blame can bring you to a standstill. Rather than blaming, do your best to remember that all those who went before did the best they could. They were products of their genetic coding, their environment, their upbringing, and their life's experiences, just as you are. They may have had abuse of every kind. Their role models may have lacked the understanding needed to raise model children.

When you look around at the people you know and people in the news, how often do you see someone who has a true sense of their own value? You could safely say that feeling worthless or valueless is a major epidemic! How tragic! How did this epidemic begin? Some may disagree that we have an epidemic of people feeling worthless. They may feel there are too many people who love themselves more than enough. I invite you to really look at those people. Do they love themselves, or does their ego (which is there to insure survival) just do a good job of projecting that message?

Whenever a person's ego is off balance and running the show, a more appropriate designation for self-love may be self-absorbed or self-important. Is it possible that they act the way they do to cover up their feelings of inadequacy?

When someone truly loves themselves, they aren't "coming from" their ego. Nor do they find it necessary to always monitor their value in other people's eyes. Their ego doesn't need regular feeding to maintain their place in society. They already have a good stable relationship with themselves -- and with other people. Those who love and have a true sense of themselves allow others their individuality, without criticizing them or trying to change them.

Some people never can receive enough adulation or reassurance from others as to their value. Their conditioning has been: "I'm not enough." No matter how much you commend them, how much you reassure them, how much you applaud them, how much you let them know of your love for them, deep inside they still feel "I'm not enough." And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change their view or fill the void their programming has unknowingly created. Their modus operandi then becomes one of having to top their own performance in each task they take on, and in everything they do. Unconsciously, they are driven to keep working and striving so they can hopefully, someday, 'be enough." They feel the measurement of their worth is in their performance -- in what they do instead of in who they are Be-ing. Perhaps the subconscious programming (the belief they unknowingly internalized) was one of "I am only valued IF I am producing something everyone can see." Or, they may have been made to feel in their youth that in order to be noticed or admired they had to perform like a sibling, or perhaps a friend.

In my youth, it was very important to my mother that I play the piano and sing. Every time I would participate in a recital or be on a program, it pleased her very much. Like most people who accomplish anything in music, I had to practice. I remember crying and crying because I had to practice. At the time, I didn't care about learning how to play the piano! When I became belligerent, Mom would just spank me and sit me down on the piano bench and say, "I don't care how long you cry -- you can cry as long as you want, but you're going to sit there until you practice an hour," (or whatever the time frame was). And she meant it! She also held me to it. (My mother was a beautiful violinist, and I learned many years later that she had always wished she could have played the piano instead. So, it seems she was fulfilling her desire through me.) Consequently, performing was always a major part of my life.

As I got older, I was very grateful to her for holding me to a practice schedule and insisting that I learn, for I have had some marvelous experiences because of my music. And it was through my music that I met my husband. Unknowingly, however, I came to relate performing musically with acceptance. I didn't realize this until I had been married several years and had been talking to a counselor who made the observation. Upon realizing my conditioning and the belief it created in me, he said to me, "Did it ever occur to you that if you didn't play or sing one more note, people might still like you?" Because I hadn't known this was my belief until that moment, it was quite a revelation! No, the thought had never occurred to me.

Without my realizing it, performing (and people's acceptance of that performance) had become my measuring stick. With this startling realization, there was a major shift in my life. As I let go of the old belief, I felt a sense of being liberated for the first time. Yes, I had unknowingly imprisoned myself, believing that people would only like me and accept me if I performed. For me, this was the beginning of a new lease on life.

Another unconscious, internal program running rampant these days (in sweeping proportions) is rejection. Hmmm...... isn't that interesting? (How many of us came from unwanted pregnancies? Even if we didn't, we can still be affected by a parent's or grandparent's feelings of rejection that they never resolved -- something that happened with one of our daughters.)

Do you know anyone who has everything going for them, i.e. looks, talent, capabilities, intelligence, a loving spouse and so on? And yet, no matter how much their parents, brothers, sisters, friends and associates genuinely love and appreciate them, they still unconsciously and unknowingly create situations which bring rejection to them? These people have a difficult time believing that others love and accept them just the way they are. Their internal programming (which functions from feelings of rejection) unconsciously creates situations whereby they can experience rejection, time after time after time. When someone feels rejected but is not aware of the necessary steps for resolving that rejection, then until their internal program changes at the core of their Be-ing they are unable to safely accept love or build secure relationships with others.

My own struggle with the legacy I received at birth (i.e. "I'm not important." and the many appendages it developed throughout the years), was very challenging to work through. Yes, I've been there and done that. So, along with the other people whom I've assisted in working through their "untruth." I know what a grip core feelings and beliefs can have on a person.

I will tell you this: "NO amount of money, or anything else, could persuade me to return to my former state of Be-ing !" You may not be aware of what your major, unconscious, "core program" is. So, you might wonder how to discover it. In my work I have found the following to be the most apparent and reoccurring "core programs" (note that most of these are fear-based):

• Alone/Lost
• Worthless
• Need for Approval
• Anger/Resentment
• Guilt/Shame
• Grief/Sorrow
• Rejection/Abandonment
• Hate/Bitterness
• Not Good Enough/Not Enough
• Overwhelmed
• I'm a Mistake/I'm a Problem
• Unaccepted/Unacceptable
• Hopeless/Helpless
• No Place for Me/Where Do I Belong?
• Death Wish/I Don't Want to Be Here
• Resignation/Martyr

Keep in mind that each program can have numerous appendages. There may also be many deep layers which need stripping away.

Each of us comes with at least one internal program. Some may have more. However many you have, it's all right. Whatever they are, they're part of our life's challenge, which we have the opportunity of working through. How else can we come to know our True-Self? By taking charge of the programming we don't like, we allow our Self to experience a whole new lease on life.

Where does one begin? In my counseling I have found that many people (on a subconscious level), do NOT love themselves. They do not accept themselves nor trust themselves. Most of these same people don't even LIKE themselves. Interestingly enough, they all THINK they like, love, accept and trust themselves. But subconsciously, they do not FEEL it.

Experience has shown that when using the Script below you can proceed much faster in all areas when healing or changing negative feelings, if you first process and resolve: A. The feelings that keep me from liking myself; B. Feelings that keep me from loving myself; C. Feelings that keep me from accepting myself; and D. Feelings that keep me from trusting myself. Therefore, the first thing I would have you do is to:

Find a comfortable, quiet place where you can sit, relax and close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth. Take another deep breath the same way, only this time hold your breath at the top of the full inhalation for three counts, then let it out slowly through your mouth. (This accesses both sides of the brain.) You are now ready to begin. The following is what I would say:

Recently I received a call from a woman we'll call Ann. This is what she shared with me: Upon realizing that she didn't like, love, accept, or trust herself, she Scripted for these feelings. Her desire was to stay in alignment with these four feelings daily. She shared with me the method she devised for reminding herself, and for keeping the feelings on the tip of her tongue at all times. Ann just rearranged these four feelings in her mind so that she could more consistently stand TALL -- Trusting, Accepting, Liking and Loving herself. As a reminder and a trigger to herself, she would just say, "Stand TALL, Ann. Stand TALL" -- meaning, I Trust myself, I Accept myself, I Like myself, and I Love myself." While you are learning to embrace self-trust, self-acceptance, self-like, and self-love, may I suggest you also add self-respect and self-validation. You may be going through life without respecting your Self, or without feeling validated as a worthwhile human Being. (This is what happened to me. I just discovered a few years ago that I didn't feel validated.) Script for the feelings that keep you from respecting and validating your Self. ("Spirit, please locate the origin of my feelings that keep me from respecting myself and validating myself.")

If others have a difficult time trusting, accepting, liking, loving, respecting, or validating us, it's due to our inability to feel these things for our Self. And because we unknowingly put out one or more of these messages, we experience the "echo" effect in return. Without realizing it, we draw people into our relationships and our life who support how we feel about our Self. After this happens enough times, we begin wondering why others don't accept, love, or validate us. Eventually, we may see what we have unknowingly been doing to our Self.

Changing your perception of your Self and feeling better about who you are and what you are may take some consistent effort. Regardless of what it takes, the effort is worth it! Pray to God that He will assist you in Be-ing able to love your Self (and others) the way He does -- that you will be able to see "you" (and others) through His eyes. Unconditionally loving and having reverence for your Self as the unique Be-ing that you are is the ultimate objective. Your finest occupation is Be-ing. By Be-ing your Self, peace will find a place in your heart and you will feel better in every facet of your life. Achieving the energy shift you would like -- within your own boundaries, within your inner Self -- is worth any and all the effort required.

How important is it that we love our Self? Is it possible to give something to someone else if we don't have it ourselves? Then how is it possible for us to truly love others if we don't love our Self?

One Morning's Prayer

I go out every morning, the sun's not risen yet.
I gaze up at the stars, a sight I'll ne'er forget.
My heart is filed with wonder of the blessings that are mine,
And I pause to ponder ... on things that are divine.

In need of reassurance, I offered up this prayer,
"Do you really love me, do you really care?"
"Silly you, of course I do," so gentle his reply,
Overwhelmed by his pure Love, I began to cry.

"There's more I need to tell you, there's more for you to hear. "
It's like His arms went 'round me so he could whisper in my ear.
"See yourself as I see you, my precious little one,
Love yourself as I love you, that's how it must be done."

"The first and great commandment is to Love Me with all your heart.
The second like unto it, can't be done without this part.
To love thy neighbor as thyself first starts with loving you.
Without which thy neighbor's slighted. ... believe Me, this is true.

"Doing it unto the least of these is doing it unto Me.
Loving yourself is loving Me too, so now I'm sure you see,
Being the best and doing the most that I need you to do,
Can't de done unless you learn, that you must love you, too!"

-- Ruth C. Price

This article is excerpted with permission from the book:

Healing Feelings From Your Heart
by Karol K. Truman.

Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Olympus Distributing.

 Info/Order this book

About the Author

Karol K. Truman is a practicing therapist who is dedicated to helping others achieve emotional and spiritual well-being through resolving and healing their "core issues." Karol, who is also an accomplished pianist and music instructor, has been exploring health and healing for the last 38 years. Visit her website at http://www.healingfeelings.com

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