What's Your Intent?
by Marie T. Russell
In the "old" days, fathers would query
from their daughter's suitor "What is your
intention towards my daughter?"
And also, throughout our school days we
were asked what our intention was when we
graduated... what we wanted to be when we grew
up.
All of these questions were geared towards
the future... our goal or vision of a later
time. Yet, intentions are present in our moment
to moment experiences -- in our "now" as well as
in our future.
As children, many times our immediate
intention was clear -- we'd be nice to "old Aunt
Clara" so she'd give us a piece of candy or a
Christmas gift. We'd behave a certain way in
order to elicit a particular response.
We do the same now -- behave a certain way
to elicit certain behavior -- but with the
maturity of an adult, we also need to be clear
about our motive or intent.
When we are seeking to "improve" or change
or lives, we often set goals or have a vision of
what we want to attain. Yet, the only way to
attain that goal quickly is by "monitoring" our
moment-to-moment thoughts, words, and deeds. In
our goal to become a "better" or happier person,
it might be necessary to examine our motives or
our intent in every action we take.
One precept is "first do no harm". Anytime
we are about to say or do something, a first
question to consider is "will it be harmful?"
Will it be harmful to myself, to others, to the
environment?
Often times, small things pass unaware...
Gossip is one to watch for... We may fall into
gossiping just because we're standing around
talking with the "girls" (or the "boys") and we
repeat a story we heard. But before we do, it
would be good to question our intent and also
see if we are doing harm. Our intent may simply
to be the center of attention, or to get a
laugh, or to seem knowledgeable. However, if
these things are gained at the expense of
harming someone or their reputation, then we
might reconsider and back off.
In the same vein, we might tend to
criticize someone's actions. What is our intent?
Is it to "boost our own self-esteem" by seeming
better than an other? Is it to "lower someone
down a notch"? Is it to truly help? If we
really mean to help, then we might reconsider our
methods. Does our method match our intent?
Even in regards to ourselves with our own
self-criticisms, our intent is surely to "become
a better person", but does our method attain the
goal we want? When we criticize ourselves, we
usually end up with feelings of dejection, not
being good enough, being a failure... Sometimes
criticism can lead to giving up ("I'll never get
it right").
With the holiday season approaching, many
of us will have the opportunity to be with
family members that we may not have seen for a
while. While we may feel we have changed
immensely in the past year, our family remembers
us "the way we were", and usually treats us the
same way as they did in the past, tending to
elicit the same old behavior from us.
Again, this is a situation where we need
to remain focused on our intent. If our intent
is to be a more peaceful and accepting person,
we may need to mentally tattoo that to our inner
eye so that we will remember it before we speak
out (react) to whatever is being said or done
around us. A good method is to take a
deep breath before responding or to count (at
least to three) before "lashing back" in
self-protection... These three seconds or that
one breath are just
enough to remember your motive, and remind
yourself "I choose to response with peace and
acceptance".
It is easy to "fall back" on old behavior,
yet it is also easy to get back up and go the
next step. Sometimes we may need to apologize
for our harsh retort, or critical comment. We need to
remember our intent is of most importance -- our
goal is more important than swallowing our pride
for a few minutes and saying "Sorry, I shouldn't
have said that. I was out of line." Or maybe,
you just thought it and didn't say it-- then do
a mental apology, since our thoughts also carry
vibrations and communicate.
It is also helpful to ask ourselves what
the other person's intention was... While we
will never know for sure, I find it helps my own
peace of mind to assume that their intention was
of the highest. So even if the comment was "you
have gained a lot of weight", I assume that the
person's comment is motivated for concern about
my well-being. In this way, I give them "the
benefit of the doubt" as to their intention, and
I keep my peace of mind (my intent).
What is your intent today? With our busy,
hectic lives, it is easy to get caught up in the
"go, go, go" syndrome. There are many
distractions, many choices, many challenges. We
need to remind ourselves often of our goal, our
mission, our intent. Maybe putting up a post-it
note on your fridge, your computer monitor, your
mirror, your desk -- somewhere where you will
see it often -- will help remind you of your
intent.
It is definitely a learning process. To
quote an old cliché "Rome wasn't built in a
day". Well, we weren't either. We're still a
work of art in process. We are the artwork and
the artist. And we get to choose
what color, what style, what brush stroke we'll
be using. We can choose to paint a picture of
healing and love today and for all our
tomorrows. And like any artist, we can correct
our "errors" as we go, until we have a canvas
that makes us proud. We can make a
difference in our lives and in the lives or the
people around us. It is a question of making
that our choice, our intention, and then
reminding ourselves as often as we can of our
intent.
|
