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How to Raise a Loser in Life

by Jerral Hicks, Ed.D.

If a parent wants to raise a child who is self-centered, uncaring, unable to take care of himself, and most likely to fail as an adult, just do the following:

1. Give the child everything he wants, let him do whatever he wishes whenever he wishes, but, of course, only after you have first said no and he has whined or thrown a temper tantrum.

2. Whenever he is accused of wrongdoing, always refuse to believe it; accuse others of picking on him and defend him at all costs.

3. Don't give him any responsibilities. Do everything for him. This way he'll expect the world owes him a living.

4. Don't worry about commitments to others. Whenever you or your child change your mind, that's okay.

5. Let him stay out at night as long as he wishes, and don't concern yourself with what he's doing. Trust that he's learning to take care of himself.

6. Fight with your spouse regularly, especially in the presence of your child. Then get a divorce and blame your child for the divorce.

7. Blame your child for everything.

8. Become a habitual abuser of alcohol, use illegal drugs, and refuse to practice common etiquette in your child's presence.

9. Complain regularly in your child's presence about how unfair the world is, how untrustworthy people are, how people who are racially or ethnically different are the cause of all problems.

10. Never admit to your child that you are wrong, never apologize for a mistake.

11. Never take time to listen to your child or take his wishes into account.

12. Never tell your child that you love him. This way he'll be better prepared for a rough and tumble world, a "dog eat dog world" where only the strong survive.

13. Teach him that it's okay to do whatever he wants as long as he can get by with it (avoid getting caught).

14. Always compare him unfavorably with his brothers and sisters, telling him things like, "Why can't you be like your brother?" and, "Your sister wouldn't have done that," and show obvious favoritism toward his siblings, letting them do things he is not allowed to do, and giving them more than you give him.

15. Raise your child in a chaotic, unorganized home environment where there is little or no routine so his life will be filled with uncertainties and inconsistencies.

16. Physically or sexually abuse your child. This way he'll grow up hurt and angry, more likely to abuse others, especially his own children.

Parenting Factors Leading to Emotional Problems

In summary, children who end up later as adults with emotional problems, a lack of constructive direction in life, and difficulties in leading socially-compatible lives are often the result of several parenting/home factors. Most common are:

1. Inadequate supervision by parents.

2. No limits placed on child's behaviors by parents.

3. Undesirable parent role model.

4. Physical/emotional abuse or neglect of the child.

5. Failure to teach a child a sense of self-responsibility.

6. Failure to teach a child a sense of community (constructive identity with others).

7. Poor attendance and achievement at school (often becomes a school dropout).

Good children, then, don't happen by accident. They are the result of a persistent, conscientious effort by caring parents. Parents have to care enough to supervise their children adequately, to say no when appropriate, to insist that their children learn to do for themselves, to insist that their children stay in school, and so on. This is neither simple nor easy. But the reward of seeing one's child grow up and do well in the adult world makes it all worthwhile.

This article is excerpted from The Challenge of the New Millennium - Winning The Struggle With Ourselves, 1997 by Jerral Hicks, Ed.D. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, New Falcon Publications. http://www.newfalcon.com.

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About The Author

Jerral Hicks, Ed.D., has taught at the public school and university levels for over thirty years. His service as a public school classroom teacher in the mid-1960s, and again in the mid-1980s, provided opportunities for first-hand observations about changes and problems in children, families, and society. His other works include Let's Get Serious About Teaching Children To Write.

Another article by this author.

 This article was excerpted from

The Challenge of the New Millennium
by Jerral Hicks, Ed.D.
Info/Order this book.

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