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Ask the Swami
by Swami
Beyondananda
Holy Shift!
Swami Beyondananda on
the New Millennium
Well, here it is, another millennium is upon us. Boy,
time sure does fly. It seems like only yesterday it was the Dark Ages, and
we were burning heretics to stay warm. Marauding crusaders (or was it
crusading marauders?) were traipsing back and forth across the civilized
world fighting over whose Almighty was almightier. Legions had enlisted
to kill in the name of the Prince of Peace -- and we still had the
Black Plague to look forward to. I tell you, those were the days! And so
are these. Yes, as we stand on the threshold of the new millennium, there
are those who insist that the human race is about to end and we will soon
cross the finish line. Others say that we will achieve the uncritical mass
necessary to bring about Nonjudgment Day -- and will finally figure out how
to shift our karma into higher gear.
Mystics of every stripe -- from the
gloomiest pessimystic to the brightest optimystic -- are making their
predictions. Amidst all the prophet’s conferences, the Y2K preparations, not
to mention the usual comments by the usual commentators, we decided to
consult an uncommontater -- Swami Beyondananda. We caught the Swami -- one
of the uncommonest taters around -- at the tail end of his latest
Goodwill Tour.
Swami, tell us about this Goodwill Tour you’re
on.
Well, I just moved from my ranch in Texas and as part of the
de-Tex program, I am bringing everything that no longer fits to Goodwill. Whatever I have left after my Goodwill tour will go to the
Salivation Army.
Don’t you mean the Salvation Army?
No,
actually it’s the Salivation Army. That’s an organization that rescues
down-and-out dogs and brings them to hospitals and nursing homes as healers.
Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? The Salivation Army can
teach any dog to heal.
Swami, I understand that you are boycotting the
Prophet’s Conference that is taking place right now. Can you
explain?
Certainly. I am refusing to go because I have not been
invited. But even more important, I am not going because I am strictly
non-prophet. I would never want to make predictions for money and be accused
of propheteering.
But Swami, what about all of the upheaval that has
been predicted for this passage into the new millennium -- not to mention
those earth changes?
Upheaval isn’t such a bad thing. At least it’s
moving things up. Now downheaval, that is a different story. I tell you,
compared to downheaval, upheaval is definitely the lesser of two heavals. As
for those earth changes, what could be more natural? The earth has
been changing since the beginning, and will definitely continue doing
so indefinitely.
Sure, the earth has her faults but it seems to me
it’s human faults that are causing most of our problems these days.
For example, there’s a huge human fault line in Ireland, a country
which certainly lives up to it’s name. I mean, wouldn’t you expect anger
to be all the rage over there? You don’t have marching season in
Loveland, Colorado, I can tell you that. And folks in Iceland are pretty
cool that way too.
Are there any tools or practices you would
recommend to help people make it through all that shift that is
predicted?
Well first, I would say recognize that change is a natural
condition in life, so if you take the initiative to bring about change in
small increments, you’re less likely to have it come in large excrements.
The second tool is tell-a-vision. That is where you attune yourself to
the clearest channel you can receive, and tell your vision to others.
That way you have a positive vision to step into -- and that sure beats
what we’ve been stepping into for the past millennium.
Swami, do you
have a vision for the coming millennium?
I thought you would never ask.
As a FUNdamentalist, I see the pro-laugh movement taking hold. Each time we
choose laughter over condemnation, we are putting our karma into overdrive --
which helps us override any heavy shift that does come down. So next time
you cast a look to the heavens and complain, “Why is this shift happening to
me?” remember also to laugh. By laughing together at our foolishness in
small matters, we may very well achieve fool-realization and see ourselves on
the same large-screen TV that God is watching. As we bumble around the
set looking for something we’ve forgotten we already have, the announcer
is whispering, “These people have been tricked into thinking there is a
key to the Universe. What they don’t realize is, it has been
left unlocked.” And God -- that devilish trickster -- is laughing with
glee.
My vision for the new millennium is billions of people waking up
to find out it’s just a joke and we’ve been on Candid Karma. And in
the light of this awesome revelation, what can anyone say but, “Holy shift! Ho-ho-holy shift.”
Read also:
"Who
Is Swami Beyondananda"
and
more
articles from the Swami
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