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Reclaim Your Lost Self
by
Dena Bower
 Women are reclaiming their identity,
direction, and empowerment within the
counseling process. They are reading self-help
books and magazines, listening to personal
growth tapes, watching informational talk
shows on television, attending lectures,
workshops, retreats, and returning to school.
Women are searching, questioning, and finding
their lost selves through many avenues.
Although this type of
'self-help'
information can be readily gleaned, there must
be a head-heart, or intellect-feeling
connection before one's situation can change.
All knowledge learned must be internalized
(believed), and processed (discussed,
analyzed, emotions explored). Insights must be
gained and goals set and attained, in order to
resolve unfinished business, heal wounds, and
grow.
Even though women are gaining more value in
society today through our changing
socialization process, we are still receiving
ambiguous messages or values which we
internalize and accept or struggle with. For
example, we are told (through advertising,
fashion and diet industries, etc.) that an anorexic model is to be held in
high regard, and, in the next breath, that
this type of behavior is wrong, bad, sick, controlling, and
life-threatening.
The term co-dependency, as applied to
women, takes our strengths of caring,
compassion, loving, nurturing, loyalty,
forgiveness, gentleness, trust, and protecting
of loved ones, and turns them into
opportunities for exploitation and shame.
Co-dependent thoughts and behaviors will be
experienced when we are unaware of the skills
or denied the context in which to
appropriately direct our female strengths and
balance others' needs with our own. This
directly relates to our self-esteem,
self-concept, confidence, trust, and
risk-taking.
Since life management skills were not
taught to us in our early development, many of
us unknowingly created dysfunction and
dependency in our lives. We became
other-oriented, and neglected or ignored our
own needs, feelings, and lives. We allowed
ourselves to be diminished by others and
believed their words. They became imprinted in
our subconscious mind and now can greatly affect our life choices, including our
relationships.
We may feel limited to only one
or two choices, greatly diminishing the sense
of power and control in our lives. Depression
and suicidal thoughts are a silencing of our
voices, a diminishing of our self.
Counseling can offer a safe, supportive
place to explore life experiences, belief
systems, behaviors, and relationship ills, while at
the same time gaining insights, knowledge, and
skills to create a more positive life. It is a
valuable tool to use during our exploration of
who, what, where we are, and why.
The best
therapist provides a safe environment to
explore your issues, keeps what you say
confidential, has good listening skills and a
nonjudgmental attitude, knows how to focus on
your needs and not their own, does not foster
dependency, and values you as a unique
individual.
The time is now for you to empower yourself
to create healthy, joyous options in life and
love. The greatest challenge we all face is to
understand ourselves. Explore and open to a
whole new you!!
Recommended
book:
"Choose to Live Peacefully"
by Susan Smith Jones.
Info/Order book.
About The
Author
Dena J. Bower, LCSW, CAP,
CHt. is a Clinical Social Worker, Certified Addiction Professional,
Heart-Centered Hypnotherapist, and Conscious Living Coach in private
practice in Hollywood, FL. She specializes in treating trauma from
abuse/disasters/violent crime, and Inner Child healing. Dena counsels
and coaches individuals, couples, & families with focus on
developing strategies for improving life skills and living more
consciously. For information about private sessions, workshops,
teleclasses, audio tapes, and free newsletter, please call (954)
920-5020. Visit her website at
http://www.bti-training.com.
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