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Afraid of Fear…
by Julia Cameron
 If
you'll pardon the levity, most of us are afraid of fear. We think it's a bad
thing. We know it's a scary thing. We're afraid of becoming afraid, scared of
becoming scared. We know all too well how our fears can escalate into terror,
and how our terror can either translate into frantic action or into paralyzing
inertia. Because so many of our experiences with fear have been negative, we
fail to see fear as positive or useful. It is both. Let me repeat: Fear is
positive and useful.
Fear is a blip on the radar screen of our consciousness. Fear tells us "Check
this out." It is something we catch out of the corner of our eye. It enters our
thoughts the way a dark shadow looms across a doorway. "Is someone there?" we
may gasp. Yes, someone is there. Often it is a perception spoken by a part of
ourselves that we have neglected and failed to attend. Fear asks that we check
something for clarity. Fear requires action, not assurance.
As creative beings, we are intricate mechanisms. We have fine-tuned sensing
mechanisms that extend beyond the ordinary realm of five senses. Sometimes we
feel something large and good is about to happen. We wake up with a sense of
anticipation and openness. At other times, that very same openness brings to us
a sense of foreboding. If we have bought into the currently popular spiritual
position that fear is somehow "bad" or even "unspiritual," we will try to
dismiss our fear without exploring its message.
"Don't feel that way," we will tell our fearful selves. "What's wrong with
you?" By focusing on ourselves as the probable source of anything "wrong," we
blind ourselves to the possibility that there might, in fact, be someone or
something wrong in our environment.
Edward, a playwright, was committed to a large production of his newest and
best play. The producer was all smiles and good vibes, all sunny promises and
projections -- yet Edward kept fighting a pit-of-the-stomach sense of
apprehension in the man's presence.
"Stop it, Edward. What is this? Do you have some neurotic fear of success?"
Edward's self-attacks were merciless as his fears continued to mount. "I am
afraid this producer is too good to be true," Edward's instincts told him in the
form of bouts of insomnia and a few telling dreams about children's games in
which the producer refused to play by the rules. As the dates for preproduction
moved closer, Edward felt his fears rising further.
"It's all handled," the producer assured him, but Edward could not be
assured. Beating himself up for "groundless fears," Edward finally picked up the
phone and asked a few people a few questions. He learned that his producer
wasn't producing anything. The venue was not locked down. Ads had not been
placed. Deal memos for refreshments and concessions had not been finalized.
"I am so glad you called," a few people told Edward, "I need to be able to
plan my schedule and, without a firm commitment on your side, I can't really do
it."
Edward's producer was not productive. Edward's fears were not groundless, but
well founded. The exploratory actions that Edward took -- finally -- on his own
behalf taught him that he was traveling in company he could not afford. A few
more phone calls and Edward learned that his producer's actions and attitudes
had left a trail of burned bridges. Edward could not afford to have his name
linked with a bad apple. He was involved with an opportunist, not an
opportunity. Reluctantly but appropriately, Edward pulled the plug and
disassociated himself from his troublemaking friend.
"I am so relieved you did that," a friend phoned to say. "I didn't know how
to tell you," another caller said. "I hear you might be looking for a new
producer and I would love to work with you," a third caller proposed.
Edward and his new producer worked rapidly and effectively. Edward
experienced none of the mysterious fears and misgivings he had previously. His
fear had truly been a messenger, and the message had been "Edward, you can do
better and treat yourself better. You are right, here, to fear the worst."
When fear enters our lives, it is like a mouse scurrying across the floor of
our creative consciousness. Did I actually see something there, or was it a
trick of the light? we wonder. We get still and listen. Do we hear a faint
rustling? Is that a tap of a twig on the window?... there it is again. This time
we turn on the overhead light. We gently move the furniture away from the wall.
Striving to still our hammering heart, we focus the flashlight of our
consciousness into the dark and neglected corners, where we see, "Oh. I do have
a mouse." Or "I have a dust ball the size of a healthy rat. I need to vacuum in
here." In short, respected as a messenger, fear asks us to take a more accurate
reading of our true perceptions to listen to all parts of our consciousness with
care. As a rule of thumb, fear is never groundless. There is almost always some
grounding action we can take in response to our fears.
Often we are so quick to label our fears neurotic or ill based or paranoid
that we do not ask what signal our fear is really sending.
When you feel afraid, tell yourself, "This is good, not bad. This is
heightened energy available for productive use. This is not something to
medicate -- or meditate -- away. This is something to accept and explore." Ask
yourself
1. What signal is my fear sending me?
2. What affectionate name can I give to this messenger part of myself?
3. What grounded action can I take to respond to this fear?
Many fears are based on a simple lack of accurate information. Rather than
take a small exploratory action in a needed direction -- say, finding a new
voice teacher or signing up for a computer class -- we allow our fears to be the
bogeyman who keep us from entering the gates to our dreams. "I'm afraid my voice
may not be strong enough" translates into "Strengthen your voice." Each of us
has fears that are particular to our own needs. When we listen to our fears with
tenderness and care, when we accept them as messengers rather than as
terrorists, we can begin to understand and respond to the unmet need that sends
them forward. When we employ humor and tenderness to our fearful selves, they
will often stop shaking long enough to deliver a needed message.
TASK: Admit Your Fears
Very often the most damaging aspect of our fears is the sense of isolation
and secrecy that they breed in us. We are afraid and we are afraid to admit we
are afraid. Closeted alone with our fears, we forget that we are never alone,
that we are accompanied at all times by a benevolent higher power who has
sympathy and solutions for our problems.
Take pen in hand. The tool you are now asked to learn is extremely powerful
and positive. It can be used in all times of emotional duress and it can be
applied to any and all problems, personal or professional. This tool is
affirmative prayer, and it works by singling out each negative situation and
"claiming" divine attention and intervention upon our behalf. Let us say the
problem is fear-born procrastination on entering a creative project. The prayer
might go something like this:
"I am guided carefully and expertly exactly on how to begin work on my new
project. I am shown carefully and clearly each step to take. I am supported
fully and happily in taking each step into fruitful work on this new project.
I intuitively and accurately know exactly how to begin and what to do to begin
correctly."
In writing out affirmative prayers, it is important that we do not ask for
help, we affirm that we are receiving it. Affirmative prayer is not a prayer of
petition. It is a prayer of recognition and acceptance of the divine help that
is at hand. Very often the action of writing an affirmative prayer clears away
fear from our lens of perception. We suddenly see that we are guided, that
divine mind is answering our request for help and support. We often intuitively
know the right action to take and feel within ourselves the power to take that
action. Fear becomes a cue for prayer and a deepened sense of our spiritual
creative companionship.
Once you have written out your affirmative prayer, choose the most personally
powerful and resonant phrase in it to use as a mantra while you walk. Perhaps
you wrote "My fearful self is clearly guided." You can distill that still
further to "I am clearly guided," and you can walk with that reassuring thought
until it begins to take on emotional weight.
This
article is excerpted from Walking in This World, ©2002, by Julia Cameron.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Tarcher/Putnam Publishing.
www.penguinputnam.com
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About the Author
 JULIA
CAMERON has been an active artist for more than thirty years. She is the author
of
numerous books of fiction and
nonfiction, among them The Artist's Way, The Vein of Gold, and The Right to
Write, her bestselling works on the creative process. A novelist, playwright,
songwriter, and poet, she has multiple credits in theater, film, and television.
Julia divides her time between Manhattan and the high desert of New Mexico.
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