Good health — and a healthy prostate — depend on a regular, happy sex life. The prostate is a muscle. Like all muscles, it must be used if it is to remain strong. Regular use also helps to cleanse the gland. It's no accident that the highest incidence of prostate cancer occurs in celibate men. For some men, once a week may the right amount of sex, while for others it is once or more a day, or once a month. There is no magic number that guarantees good health. It's best just to do what feels good and doesn't cause fatigue afterwards. But simply having sex is not enough. Ideally, sex is more than a physical act — it is a loving union with your partner.

But it doesn't have to be that way. The sexual energy of a relationship can remain as supercharged as it was in the beginning. The physical connection that seemed so urgent in the early stages of the relationship can remain strong, driven by increasing physical and emotional intimacy. The love between two people can remain strong and grow deeper on all levels, no matter how tired or busy they are.

The key is caring: thinking about it and working at it. Passionate, exciting love may "hit" out of the blue at times, but it remains only if it's continually nurtured, invited back, and treated as an honored guest. Just as we carefully clean the house before the honored guest arrives, just as we carefully plan and cook the meal, just as we spend a great deal of time thinking about what our honored guest would like to do, so must we think, plan, prepare, and nurture passionate love.

WHAT SMOTHERS OUR PASSION?

Although physical and emotional passion can remain high throughout a lifelong relationship, it is often dimmed by neglect, poor communication, preconceptions, and differing goals.

We don't deliberately neglect our love. Rather, we get caught up in work, family obligations, mowing the lawn, and trying to get away one day a week to hang out with the guys. All of this is necessary, but it takes time away from the pursuit of passion.

Neither do we deliberately fail to communicate. But often we are too embarrassed to say what we need to say. We don't know what to say, or how to say it. We may feel afraid of appearing weak, needy, argumentative, demanding, odd, or "dirty". And sometimes we don't even realize anything needs to be said, so our needs are unexpressed, our angers repressed, and our disappointment stews until we reach the boiling point. When we finally do speak, our requests or suggestions may come out sounding more like accusations or attacks. Our partner pulls back defensively or counterattacks, and the battle lines are drawn.

Our communication difficulties are exacerbated by our preconceptions. We all have notions about relationships and marriage — ideas about male and female roles based or our family, cultural, and religious background. Preconceptions are bound to cause problems unless they dovetail perfectly with your partner's, which is unlikely. At some point, you'll know they should be doing or saying some thing that they are equally sure they shouldn't do or say.

Even if we pay careful attention to our lover, communicate expertly, and rid ourself of preconceptions, we still face a difficult hurdle: the very different expectations and needs of men and women. Men and women are equal, but they are very different physically and emotionally. Their needs are different, and they go about satisfying those needs in different ways.

Both men and women want intimacy. But to a man, intimacy means sex — and lots of it. As far as a man is concerned, more sex means more intimacy and a better relationship. To a woman, intimacy is something very different. It's a wonderful spiritual closeness to her man, a feeling that she has found her soulmate. For men, intimacy is a physical matter. For women, intimacy is a product of the feelings and heart. That's not surprising, given that men are by nature sexual beings. Our genitalia are on the outside of our bodies, our interest in a woman is made obvious by an erection, and our biologic urge is to propagate by "hunting" and "conquering".

While a man is a sexual "extrovert", a woman is generally a sexual "introvert". Her sexual organs are within her, she has trouble speaking of her deepest longings and feelings, she is closed and protective. She must feel loved and comfortable before she will open up — either figuratively or literally — to a man. For women, sexual passion is a result of intimacy. When women feel that special spiritual connection with their mate they can become truly passionate. When they don't feel that intimacy, they may search fruitlessly inside themselves for passion, but it will not be there, and they will not be satisfied with sex. Lacking passion, and not finding satisfaction, they will naturally turn away from sex.

With widespread neglect, poor communication, preconceptions, and differing needs and goals, it's no wonder that so many relationships wither, and sexual intercourse becomes a bone of contention or is gone entirely. And it's no wonder that so many relationships lack the passion of spiritual and physical love. But it doesn't have to be that way. You and your partner can be a passionate couple, united in passionate physical and spiritual love, until you depart this earth.

A FINAL NOTE:
IS SEX A CURE FOR CANCER?

Not only is sex fun, it's good for your prostate — and may prevent cancer. Dr. Banrejee of the Manchester Royal Infirmary in England found a correlation between the number of ejaculations and the risk of prostate cancer.(1) The doctor divided 423 men, ranging from 60 to 80 years old, into two groups: 274 who had prostate cancer, and 149 who did not. When the men estimated their ejaculatory frequency during the years they were most sexually active, it was found that the ones who wound up with prostate cancer ejaculated much less frequently, on average, than did men who avoided the disease. (A full 31% of the cancer-free men had ejaculated 5 to 7 times per week, compared with only 13% of those with the cancer.)

Whether you begin practicing tantric sex or remain with your current practices, I urge you to have regular, loving sex. In addition to the physical pleasures and benefits, a loving sexual relationship improves and deepens your relationship with your partner, promoting overall health and well-being.