Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

As an olfactorally-sensitive individual, I sometimes have problems with smells that don't affect other people. Unfortunately, my biggest problem right now is under my own roof. I love my live-in boyfriend, but he must be some kind of throwback to the '60s because he insists on burning this stinky incense all over the house. When I protest that the smell is irritating me, he shrugs and tells me it's not his problem. This makes me absolutely furious. But the more angry I get, the more indifferent he becomes. Isn't there anything I can do to help this otherwise decent guy become more sensitive in this regard?

Hedforda Hills
Jamaica, New York

Dear Hedforda:

I can relate to your problem because I too have olfactory sensitivity -- probably due to all those ol' factories that spewed smoke back in Muskogee when I was a kid. I sense you are incensed not just by the incense, but by his insensitivity to how much the incense incenses you. While an assault on the senses like the one you describe is not a felony, it is definitely a missed-demeanor. (In other words, the offender usually fails to notice the pained expression on the victim's face.) That is why some forward-thinking communities are beginning to offer scentsitivity training for "inscentsitives" like your boyfriend. And the first principle of sensory scentsitivity is that it is a form of oppression to impose an overpowering smell onto others without their permission. In other words, all public smells must be conscentual. And I totally agree with this common scents approach.

*****

Dear Swami:

Can two wrongs ever make a right?

Anna Trossity
Bedford Falls, New York

Dear Anna:

We have often heard that "two wrongs can never make a right," but I beg to differ. G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North prove that two wrongs can indeed make a Right. But it is even more complicated than that, because the Right is made up of many, many wrongs. This explains the bumper sticker I saw recently which said, "If Rush is Right, I'll take what's left." But even if the Right is wrong, this doesn't necessarily make the Left right. The Left may be right in thinking there are wrongs to right, but these wrongs cannot be righted simply by wronging the Right.

Psychologically speaking, the Right is afraid of being left -- and the Left is afraid of being right. I will explain. Many people on the Right are moralists at heart who deep down believe that God will judge or forsake them if they stray from the path. In other words, unless they are right, they will be left. And over on the Left, being left is a sign of being right. That is because the Left considers the electorate so hopelessly brainwashed that if voters suddenly decided the Left was right, this would really mean the Left was wrong. And so the Left doesn't feel right unless it is left. This is how the Right got right and the Left got left.

Meanwhile, these two groups are attacking each other left and right. "I'm right!" says the Right. "No, I'm right!" says the Left. And sadly, this is the level of our political discourse -- a left and a right, and a right and a left, and the winner is the last one to proclaim, "I'm right!" And this, my children, is what the Catholics call "Last rights."

*****

About the Author

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