Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

I thought I heard on the radio the other day that overall crime is down compared with fifty years ago.  As a resident of the 'hood where I see crime increasing all the time, I cannot believe this is true.  What do you think, Swami?  Is overall crime really down?  And what can be done to make the 'hood a less dangerous place?

Amos B. Haven,
Los Angeles, California

Dear Amos:

The radio report was absolutely right.  Overall crime is indeed down compared to fifty years ago.  In 1950, for example, some 30% of all crime was committed by people in overalls.  Today, that figure is just under 8%.  

As for the 'hood, I agree it is more deadly than ever before.  And I think this deadly 'hood is due to lack of livelihood. Unfortunately, when the most profitable forms of livelihood in the 'hood are deadly, only the deadly hoods have a livelihood.  

So how do we fix this problem?  Well, when we take a look under the hood, we see that what we now call the "'hood" used to be called the "neighborhood."  This tells me that when the "neighbor" is removed, only the "hood" remains. 

So the answer is simple (although it may not be easy).  If we want to turn a deadly 'hood into a lively 'hood, the neighbors must be stronger in force than the hoods -- and the promise of livelihood must be greater than the profits of deadlihood.

* * * *

Dear Swami:

I'm afraid I keep creating the same situation over and over again.  I totally fall for some guy who I'm convinced is The One.  For weeks, or sometimes for months I feel like I'm on a cloud, walking on air.  And then one day, I am shocked to find that he is a cad who doesn't care about me at all.  Is there a name for this affliction?  And is there any
lesson I can learn from this experience?

Rhoda Ruder,
New Haven, Connecticut

Dear Rhoda:

I think the psychologists call your problem "delusions of glandeur." And unfortunately you're not the first Cinderella to wish for a twin soul -- and end up with a heel instead.  As for a lesson, I would suggest that romance is like electricity:  If you're grounded, you're less likely to be shocked.

* * * *

Dear Swami:

Having seen the lame and ridiculous government reports concerning the alleged UFO crash in Roswell, New Mexico over fifty years ago, I was absolutely puzzled as to why the government insists on covering up the existence of alien visits to our planet.  A few weeks ago, I think I figured it out.  If the government actually acknowledged the existence of extraterrestial visitors, they would have to come up with a policy towards these E.T.'s.  What do you think, Swami?

Lee Dingedge,
Taos, New Mexico

Dear Lee:

Very insightful, but I have news for you.  The government has already formulated a policy.  It's called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  In other words, the government agrees to not ask any being if they are an intergalactic alien, provided the being doesn't tell them.  Well, you might ask, what about aliens who insist on disclosing their identity? For this contingency, the Pentagon through it's highly sophisticated Project Get Smart has come up with the following strategy:

• Interrogator:  "Don't tell me you're an alien from
                            another planet."

• Interrogatee:  "I am an alien from another planet."

• Interrogator:  "I told you not to tell me that!"

* * * *

Dear Swami:

I am in a touchy situation.  I am a psychiatrist who has spent my entire professional career studying phobias and treating patients with debilitating fears.  Last year, a young woman came to me with a very interesting affliction -- a deep and abiding terror of philosophy.  You had only to mention Hegel or Schopenhauer or Sartre and she would go into a catatonic panic.  Well, sad to say she's been coming to me for a year, and we haven't made much progress with her phobia.  I have, however, fallen in love with her.  I love my work, Swami, but I am willing to risk my career to be with her.  I know you understand things from a deeper level, Swami, and I need your advice.  What should I do?

M. Ira Prest, M.D.
Ventura, California

Dear M. Ira:

Forget about her.  A phobophile and a philophobe?  How could it ever work?

About the Author

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